Body Surfing

I just spent a week in the Dominican Republic with my family. I reveled in the glorious sand, sun, water and frozen rum drinks. Thanks to Tropical Storm Emily, we spent more time body surfing than snorkeling, but I'm not complainin.  I wrote this between swims, sitting on the beach in our little sea grape hideout.

This morning the sky was partly cloudy and the sea breeze a bit more forceful than it has been. The water was rough, too. Waist high waves were crashing on the beach, stirring up sand and foam and seaweed. A few yards out, the swimmers bobbed up and down like ocean bouies. I stood at the edge of the surf and thought I might just get my feet wet, rather than be tossed around Ike that. It was only 10 AM after all and I was still full from eating too much fried banana on waffles drizzled with sweetened condensed milk. And sausage. And cafe con leche. All right, AND a croissant with Nutella.

But I waded in a little further and realized I was in the midst of the best body surfing conditions we've seen all week, so I dunked under and caught the next big wave that came along. It carried me with it's curling momentum for a few feet and then I was up and heading back out, seeking the next ride.

I can completely understand why surfing and surfers are such an extreme and dedicated culture. It's kind of a quintiscentially addictive activity, because when it works just right, it's a transcendent experience. A nice big wave comes along and you jump just at the right time, sucked for a second back into it's undertow, then propelled forward in that sweet spot right under the crest, riding toward the beach for 20, 25, 30 feet, feeling like you are an integral part of the ocean, just being pulled around by the moon like every other molecule of water. Not this separate, intrusive being, fighting to control nature like almost every other moment of our lives.

But it rarely works just right. For every perfect wave you catch, there are 20 that disappoint. Lots are too small to bother with. Some look like they'll break, but just dissolve into nothing under your body. Some crash too soon, right over your head, leaving you a salty tangled mess, disoriented for a few seconds, just long enough to miss the next wave, but still see as it passes that it would have been the one to wait for.

Some people find the ratio of success to "failure" too low to bother with and give up quickly. I find myself saying "I'll just ride one more wave and then get out." I wait and jump and dunk and swim and glide and finally get one that carries me all the way to a sand-filled bathing suit and then I go back for 1 more again and again and again until 45 minutes have gone by along with my window for reapplying sunscreen. I'm pink and exhausted and still it's an effort to will myself away from the water, because look, that next wave could be the best one yet. I'm like a gambling addict playing the slots, sure that with this next quarter, I'll hit the jackpot. But this is vacation and I've got time and calories to burn, so as long as I keep the SPF high, I can indulge my addiction.

Week 12: Preparing to be on my own...

In Week 11 and 12 Julia is getting us ready for life after The Artist's Way book. But as I reported back in Week 6,  I've been converted to the religion of creativity so I won't stop with the practices and guidelines set out in the book. But I do need constant reminders, so I'm glad for all the tasks in these last weeks that have me making plans and lists of things to do as I go on.

One task that was actually pretty hard was to make a list of 10 dreams or desires for each of 7 categories: Career, Health, Possessions, Leisure, Relationships, Creativity and Spirituality. That's 70 things to want! But I've learned through this process that making lists longer than you think they should be usually brings out the most interesting and unexpected answers. Now I have lots of lovely images to visualize and meditate on as I do my daily walks. Because....

I started reading Vein of Gold the very day I did my last check in for The Artist's Way. In this book, I still do morning pages and Artist Dates, but I also add a 20 min walk when I think about things I want in my life. I love it already. I almost always get back to my desk feeling inspired and motivated. I've even realized that sometimes these things I want are a little scary because they are just so different from what I have now. So it's good to spend a little time each day getting used to the idea of being a rich, successful hit songwriter full of great ideas who takes Caribbean vacations, has a garden and a letterpress print shop in her shed, and somehow stays skinny even though she eats amazing cheese and drinks fun cocktails every night. It's hard to quite understand why that would be scary, because it sounds awesome on paper. Does anyone else feel a little scared of getting what they want?

So what can I say at the end of this process? Well, I guess mostly that it's not the end. I've learned a ton, but I won't stop learning, trying, failing and getting back up again. That's what life is, right? But I do really like being pushed and nudged and nurtured and affirmed by the book. I think it would be awesome if we could all do that for each other out there in the real world. I'm gonna try a little bit every day. 

Weeks 9-11: The Holiday Drag

Where has the time gone? It was Thanksgiving and Christmas and Boxing Day and then New Year's and then the girls trip to Sedona and I fins that almost 2 months have gone by, and I haven't worked through 3 weeks of The Artist's Way. I haven't given it up totally. I've been doing morning pages and some of the tasks, but just slowly. And giving myself much more than a week to get through a "week." During Week 10, in my morning pages, it came out that I'm scared of getting through the whole book and that is probably a big reason for the stalling. I feel pressure to have some kind of big, momentous transformation or success at the end of the book. And I'm scared that I'll be lost and stop growing without Julia's guidance. As soon as I wrote that, I felt the pressure lifting. Not that I made it through Week 11 any faster, but at least I know why.

Week 8: The next right thing

This week, Julia asked me to think about how I use my time. Ugh. Maybe that's why I feel like I'm in a slump. I always feel guilty and lazy about not getting enough done every day, which is overwhelming and slows me down even more. Spending a whole week contemplating time and goals and every step it's going to take to get there was not fun.

But I kept thinking about the idea she introduced of just turning away from all those big intimidating ideas and fears and simply doing "the next right thing." That is manageable. That is doable. Here I go to do it. Getting a tiny step down the road is a lot better than sitting here discouraged by how long it's going to take.

I did go on a real Artist Date this week. It was cold and crowded, but I saw Chihuly at Night at Cheekwood Gardens. So magical and it surprised and dazzled me just when I thought I'd seen it all. What more can you ask from art? Here's a daytime pic of the Blue Marlins:

What happened to Week 7?

Week 7 explores issues of Perfectionism and Jealousy. I've done some work about this before, but it is always good to have a reminder. I went to Texas and back this week and got pretty distracted and pulled by all the demands of traveling and seeing tons of friends. I kept up with my morning pages, and I'm sure all the lessons were simmering in my subconscious, but in some ways I felt like I took 4 days off from the Artist's Way and that kind of concerned me. So many people have told me that they started reading the book and stopped after Week 5 or that they've started it several times and never finished it. I don't want to be one of those people! I want to do the whole thing all the way through, on time, with blogs to go with every chapter and amazing revelations every week! Wait, wasn't there something about perfectionism in this chapter?

So I gave myself a few extra days on Week 7 and even skipped a few of the tasks. I didn't worry about whether or not I made a giant step forward. I just thought about all I had done that week: played a great house concert, attended a gorgeous Texas wedding, listened to two audiobooks, saw a bunch of wonderful friends, swam in Barton Springs on a 85 degree October day, bought some hot pink feather earrings. I just trusted that it was all happening for a reason and subtly moving me somewhere great. Actually it was pretty great right at the moment. And isn't that really the big lesson anyway? To live in the moment?

One more thing: I'm looking for synchronicity all the time now (little coincidences that lead you along) and I had a funny one on my drive. I was listening to my audiobook and one of the characters served Sweet Potato Pie. It sounded so delicious, my mouth was watering and I wanted it. I talked on the phone to Alison and told her about my craving. I said I'd stop at Cracker Barrel and see if they had some sweet potatoes. She said No, No, they never have sweet potatoes at CB, it's not on the menu. Not even a weekly special? No, she said. I went to Cracker Barrel anyway and can you guess what the vegetable of the day was? (Well now of course you can because I already gave it away by saying this paragraph was about synchronicity. I need to work on saving my punch lines.) Sweet Potato Casserole! With pecans and brown sugar!  Mmm hmmm. So I was satisfied. More like really full cause I had a whole veggie plate with Mac and Cheese and cornbread and and and oops.

So I'm not sure how all this is leading me to my creative destiny, but now I know Thursday is sweet potato day and I'm sure that knowledge will be crucial at some point. Maybe I'll happen to be at a cocktail party on a Thursday with some amazing super-famous singer who says she has a craving for sweet potatoes and I'll know where to got them. We'll go eat and become best friends and write a ton of hit songs together. About sweet potatoes. Yep, I can see it all now.

Week 6: Converted

I think it was in Week 3 that I decided that I love the Artist's Way and that I want to continue with morning pages and Artist Dates after I finish reading the book.

In Week 4 I "happened" to have some existential conversations with friends and family. We talked about our religious upbringing and the all-important "What happens when you die?" question.  I heard myself describing my beliefs and understanding of my existence in the terms that I had read in Deepak Chopra and Julia Cameron. Other people were talking about Heaven and Absolute Nothingness and I was talking about my consciousness being dispersed into the infinitely creative universe.

In Week 5, it struck me that if I want to practice this whatever-it-is every day, if it connects me to the metaphysical plane and explains for me what exists beyond what we see and what happens when we die, that maybe this is a religion, and maybe it's my religion. It just doesn't have a name or any particular organization. Maybe that's OK? But what do I call it? What do I call myself? And will I ever have a community of like-minded people to celebrate with?

In Week 6, I was invited by a friend to go to an event at World Music Nashville where Beth Nielson Chapman was performing, talking and teaching. It was free and they were giving away food and wine and prizes like guitars, why not? She played some really great songs, gave some helpful feedback to the people chosen at random to play for her, and spoke so eloquently about the creative process. It was right in line with everything I had been reading and discovering.

And then she talked about how creativity is God and it confirmed for me all the things I had been thinking. And I realized that I was at church. And I was with like-minded people. It was a Wednesday night retail marketing event and I was holding a plastic cup full of cheap Chardonnay and a chicken quesadilla, but I was surrounded by my people. We are searching for fame and fortune and hit songs, but also for truth and the joy and satisfaction of creating something new and beautiful. And we come together in all sorts of unexpected times and places.

And now I don't think my religion needs to be organized in any kind of obvious way. It's flexible and surprising and doesn't need a power structure or rules about who's in and who's out. I like that I can have a spiritual experience hanging out with friends and playing songs, or walking by myself through the woods, or watching kids or seniors perform their hearts out. But I still want a name for it. "Creativity" doesn't seem right. Better keep looking. Or maybe just live for a while with no name. Seems like a lot of trouble has come from naming religions.

The Possibilities! Week 5

One thing that I've really been having trouble with since I started the Artist's Way is making time for the "Artist Date." This is one of the key elements of the program and you are supposed to do it every week. Basically, it's spending a couple of hours doing something that seems fun or interesting, that might stimulate you or make you think or feel or want to get up and dance. It's supposed to be done on your own and it's supposed to have no real purpose or productive side to it. It's just playtime, exploration.

I have a To-Do list 2 pages long and thinking about trying to get all that done and still have a couple hours left to play, by myself, has not been easy.  In fact 4 weeks went by and I didn't really do it. I'd read magazines for 30 minutes and say that was my Artist Date. Or I'd count my walks, even though I have been walking and running forever and the main reason I was doing it was for the calorie burn, not to gaze at Autumn leaves. I realize this is all me choosing how to spend me time and fooling myself into thinking I can't spare a couple of hours. I procrastinate hours away. I have found time to keep up with Glee, exercise, laundry and dirty dishes, but not the Artist Date. I do have a little tiny side-list of potential artist dates, but when I would look at them, they didn't really seem that compelling. Museums I've already been to and stuff like that.

Week 5 was when I "moved" to Nashville. And in the Artist's Way, Week 5 is about Recovering The Sense of Possibility. When I went to the Nashville Scene website and looked at the Calendar listings, I recovered my sense of possibility in about 2 seconds. I'm in a city! There are all sorts of places to go and events happening! And the site has this great feature: next to each event is a little link that says "Add to iCal." I must have clicked that button 20 times putting concerts and lectures and art openings on my calendar. I won't go to all of them, but they are here. And I could do them. I might just wake up for the "Laughter Yoga Club" or get my black light out for the "Untitled Glow Show." I don't really have a black light, but I could get one. I could do anything and be anyone now!

For my first real Artist Date, I went to the Finals of the Senior Stars talent contest. This is a local Star Search type of talent show for people 65 and older. It was at the Ryman, which in an amazing place to hear any kind of music, and these guys had so much talent and energy and love for performing. I was tearing up at almost every act, I was up on my feet clapping along with the gospel numbers and on the edge of my seat hoping the baton twirler wouldn't miss a toss. It was overwhelming, not just because people were giving their all, but because they were older. Some of them in their eighties and very stooped and still able to produce a lovely alto sax sound or beat a mean rhythm on the spoons.

When the winner was announced, a couple of women sitting near me went bananas. They must have been related to Robert Shipp because they were jumping up and down and screaming and hugging each other like he had won American Idol in from of 20 million people. It was contagious and I was crying and clapping and screaming, too. I was happy for him. He had won $5000 after all. But also he was an old man, taking a chance,  doing something he loved and getting recognized for it. That's worth cheering for.

So I do have a renewed sense of possibility. Not just from the lengthy calendar listings, but also from the senior stars and the thought that it's never too late to chase your creative dreams. Good morning Nashville, here I come!

Y'all check out Robert Shipp's audition...