Abi Tapia

Body Surfing

2011-08-09T17:06:00.000-07:00

I just spent a week in the Dominican Republic with my family. I reveled in the glorious sand, sun, water and frozen rum drinks. Thanks to Tropical Storm Emily, we spent more time body surfing than snorkeling, but I'm not complainin. I wrote this between swims, sitting on the beach in our little sea grape hideout.

This morning the sky was partly cloudy and the sea breeze a bit more forceful than it has been. The water was rough, too. Waist high waves were crashing on the beach, stirring up sand and foam and seaweed. A few yards out, the swimmers bobbed up and down like ocean bouies. I stood at the edge of the surf and thought I might just get my feet wet, rather than be tossed around Ike that. It was only 10 AM after all and I was still full from eating too much fried banana on waffles drizzled with sweetened condensed milk. And sausage. And cafe con leche. All right, AND a croissant with Nutella.

But I waded in a little further and realized I was in the midst of the best body surfing conditions we've seen all week, so I dunked under and caught the next big wave that came along. It carried me with it's curling momentum for a few feet and then I was up and heading back out, seeking the next ride.

I can completely understand why surfing and surfers are such an extreme and dedicated culture. It's kind of a quintiscentially addictive activity, because when it works just right, it's a transcendent experience. A nice big wave comes along and you jump just at the right time, sucked for a second back into it's undertow, then propelled forward in that sweet spot right under the crest, riding toward the beach for 20, 25, 30 feet, feeling like you are an integral part of the ocean, just being pulled around by the moon like every other molecule of water. Not this separate, intrusive being, fighting to control nature like almost every other moment of our lives.

But it rarely works just right. For every perfect wave you catch, there are 20 that disappoint. Lots are too small to bother with. Some look like they'll break, but just dissolve into nothing under your body. Some crash too soon, right over your head, leaving you a salty tangled mess, disoriented for a few seconds, just long enough to miss the next wave, but still see as it passes that it would have been the one to wait for.

Some people find the ratio of success to "failure" too low to bother with and give up quickly. I find myself saying "I'll just ride one more wave and then get out." I wait and jump and dunk and swim and glide and finally get one that carries me all the way to a sand-filled bathing suit and then I go back for 1 more again and again and again until 45 minutes have gone by along with my window for reapplying sunscreen. I'm pink and exhausted and still it's an effort to will myself away from the water, because look, that next wave could be the best one yet. I'm like a gambling addict playing the slots, sure that with this next quarter, I'll hit the jackpot. But this is vacation and I've got time and calories to burn, so as long as I keep the SPF high, I can indulge my addiction.

Week 12: Preparing to be on my own...

2011-02-18T08:13:00.000-08:00

In Week 11 and 12 Julia is getting us ready for life after The Artist's Way book. But as I reported back in Week 6, I've been converted to the religion of creativity so I won't stop with the practices and guidelines set out in the book. But I do need constant reminders, so I'm glad for all the tasks in these last weeks that have me making plans and lists of things to do as I go on.

One task that was actually pretty hard was to make a list of 10 dreams or desires for each of 7 categories: Career, Health, Possessions, Leisure, Relationships, Creativity and Spirituality. That's 70 things to want! But I've learned through this process that making lists longer than you think they should be usually brings out the most interesting and unexpected answers. Now I have lots of lovely images to visualize and meditate on as I do my daily walks. Because....

I started reading Vein of Gold the very day I did my last check in for The Artist's Way. In this book, I still do morning pages and Artist Dates, but I also add a 20 min walk when I think about things I want in my life. I love it already. I almost always get back to my desk feeling inspired and motivated. I've even realized that sometimes these things I want are a little scary because they are just so different from what I have now. So it's good to spend a little time each day getting used to the idea of being a rich, successful hit songwriter full of great ideas who takes Caribbean vacations, has a garden and a letterpress print shop in her shed, and somehow stays skinny even though she eats amazing cheese and drinks fun cocktails every night. It's hard to quite understand why that would be scary, because it sounds awesome on paper. Does anyone else feel a little scared of getting what they want?

So what can I say at the end of this process? Well, I guess mostly that it's not the end. I've learned a ton, but I won't stop learning, trying, failing and getting back up again. That's what life is, right? But I do really like being pushed and nudged and nurtured and affirmed by the book. I think it would be awesome if we could all do that for each other out there in the real world. I'm gonna try a little bit every day.

Weeks 9-11: The Holiday Drag

2011-02-05T06:30:00.000-08:00

Where has the time gone? It was Thanksgiving and Christmas and Boxing Day and then New Year's and then the girls trip to Sedona and I fins that almost 2 months have gone by, and I haven't worked through 3 weeks of The Artist's Way. I haven't given it up totally. I've been doing morning pages and some of the tasks, but just slowly. And giving myself much more than a week to get through a "week." During Week 10, in my morning pages, it came out that I'm scared of getting through the whole book and that is probably a big reason for the stalling. I feel pressure to have some kind of big, momentous transformation or success at the end of the book. And I'm scared that I'll be lost and stop growing without Julia's guidance. As soon as I wrote that, I felt the pressure lifting. Not that I made it through Week 11 any faster, but at least I know why.

Week 8: The next right thing

2010-11-15T13:00:00.000-08:00

This week, Julia asked me to think about how I use my time. Ugh. Maybe that's why I feel like I'm in a slump. I always feel guilty and lazy about not getting enough done every day, which is overwhelming and slows me down even more. Spending a whole week contemplating time and goals and every step it's going to take to get there was not fun.

But I kept thinking about the idea she introduced of just turning away from all those big intimidating ideas and fears and simply doing "the next right thing." That is manageable. That is doable. Here I go to do it. Getting a tiny step down the road is a lot better than sitting here discouraged by how long it's going to take.

I did go on a real Artist Date this week. It was cold and crowded, but I saw Chihuly at Night at Cheekwood Gardens. So magical and it surprised and dazzled me just when I thought I'd seen it all. What more can you ask from art? Here's a daytime pic of the Blue Marlins:

What happened to Week 7?

2010-11-09T08:41:00.000-08:00

Week 7 explores issues of Perfectionism and Jealousy. I've done some work about this before, but it is always good to have a reminder. I went to Texas and back this week and got pretty distracted and pulled by all the demands of traveling and seeing tons of friends. I kept up with my morning pages, and I'm sure all the lessons were simmering in my subconscious, but in some ways I felt like I took 4 days off from the Artist's Way and that kind of concerned me. So many people have told me that they started reading the book and stopped after Week 5 or that they've started it several times and never finished it. I don't want to be one of those people! I want to do the whole thing all the way through, on time, with blogs to go with every chapter and amazing revelations every week! Wait, wasn't there something about perfectionism in this chapter?

So I gave myself a few extra days on Week 7 and even skipped a few of the tasks. I didn't worry about whether or not I made a giant step forward. I just thought about all I had done that week: played a great house concert, attended a gorgeous Texas wedding, listened to two audiobooks, saw a bunch of wonderful friends, swam in Barton Springs on a 85 degree October day, bought some hot pink feather earrings. I just trusted that it was all happening for a reason and subtly moving me somewhere great. Actually it was pretty great right at the moment. And isn't that really the big lesson anyway? To live in the moment?

One more thing: I'm looking for synchronicity all the time now (little coincidences that lead you along) and I had a funny one on my drive. I was listening to my audiobook and one of the characters served Sweet Potato Pie. It sounded so delicious, my mouth was watering and I wanted it. I talked on the phone to Alison and told her about my craving. I said I'd stop at Cracker Barrel and see if they had some sweet potatoes. She said No, No, they never have sweet potatoes at CB, it's not on the menu. Not even a weekly special? No, she said. I went to Cracker Barrel anyway and can you guess what the vegetable of the day was? (Well now of course you can because I already gave it away by saying this paragraph was about synchronicity. I need to work on saving my punch lines.) Sweet Potato Casserole! With pecans and brown sugar! Mmm hmmm. So I was satisfied. More like really full cause I had a whole veggie plate with Mac and Cheese and cornbread and and and oops.

So I'm not sure how all this is leading me to my creative destiny, but now I know Thursday is sweet potato day and I'm sure that knowledge will be crucial at some point. Maybe I'll happen to be at a cocktail party on a Thursday with some amazing super-famous singer who says she has a craving for sweet potatoes and I'll know where to got them. We'll go eat and become best friends and write a ton of hit songs together. About sweet potatoes. Yep, I can see it all now.

Week 6: Converted

2010-11-03T09:37:00.000-07:00

I think it was in Week 3 that I decided that I love the Artist's Way and that I want to continue with morning pages and Artist Dates after I finish reading the book.

In Week 4 I "happened" to have some existential conversations with friends and family. We talked about our religious upbringing and the all-important "What happens when you die?" question. I heard myself describing my beliefs and understanding of my existence in the terms that I had read in Deepak Chopra and Julia Cameron. Other people were talking about Heaven and Absolute Nothingness and I was talking about my consciousness being dispersed into the infinitely creative universe.

In Week 5, it struck me that if I want to practice this whatever-it-is every day, if it connects me to the metaphysical plane and explains for me what exists beyond what we see and what happens when we die, that maybe this is a religion, and maybe it's my religion. It just doesn't have a name or any particular organization. Maybe that's OK? But what do I call it? What do I call myself? And will I ever have a community of like-minded people to celebrate with?

In Week 6, I was invited by a friend to go to an event at World Music Nashville where Beth Nielson Chapman was performing, talking and teaching. It was free and they were giving away food and wine and prizes like guitars, why not? She played some really great songs, gave some helpful feedback to the people chosen at random to play for her, and spoke so eloquently about the creative process. It was right in line with everything I had been reading and discovering.

And then she talked about how creativity is God and it confirmed for me all the things I had been thinking. And I realized that I was at church. And I was with like-minded people. It was a Wednesday night retail marketing event and I was holding a plastic cup full of cheap Chardonnay and a chicken quesadilla, but I was surrounded by my people. We are searching for fame and fortune and hit songs, but also for truth and the joy and satisfaction of creating something new and beautiful. And we come together in all sorts of unexpected times and places.

And now I don't think my religion needs to be organized in any kind of obvious way. It's flexible and surprising and doesn't need a power structure or rules about who's in and who's out. I like that I can have a spiritual experience hanging out with friends and playing songs, or walking by myself through the woods, or watching kids or seniors perform their hearts out. But I still want a name for it. "Creativity" doesn't seem right. Better keep looking. Or maybe just live for a while with no name. Seems like a lot of trouble has come from naming religions.

The Possibilities! Week 5

2010-10-23T07:27:00.000-07:00

One thing that I've really been having trouble with since I started the Artist's Way is making time for the "Artist Date." This is one of the key elements of the program and you are supposed to do it every week. Basically, it's spending a couple of hours doing something that seems fun or interesting, that might stimulate you or make you think or feel or want to get up and dance. It's supposed to be done on your own and it's supposed to have no real purpose or productive side to it. It's just playtime, exploration.

I have a To-Do list 2 pages long and thinking about trying to get all that done and still have a couple hours left to play, by myself, has not been easy. In fact 4 weeks went by and I didn't really do it. I'd read magazines for 30 minutes and say that was my Artist Date. Or I'd count my walks, even though I have been walking and running forever and the main reason I was doing it was for the calorie burn, not to gaze at Autumn leaves. I realize this is all me choosing how to spend me time and fooling myself into thinking I can't spare a couple of hours. I procrastinate hours away. I have found time to keep up with Glee, exercise, laundry and dirty dishes, but not the Artist Date. I do have a little tiny side-list of potential artist dates, but when I would look at them, they didn't really seem that compelling. Museums I've already been to and stuff like that.

Week 5 was when I "moved" to Nashville. And in the Artist's Way, Week 5 is about Recovering The Sense of Possibility. When I went to the Nashville Scene website and looked at the Calendar listings, I recovered my sense of possibility in about 2 seconds. I'm in a city! There are all sorts of places to go and events happening! And the site has this great feature: next to each event is a little link that says "Add to iCal." I must have clicked that button 20 times putting concerts and lectures and art openings on my calendar. I won't go to all of them, but they are here. And I could do them. I might just wake up for the "Laughter Yoga Club" or get my black light out for the "Untitled Glow Show." I don't really have a black light, but I could get one. I could do anything and be anyone now!

For my first real Artist Date, I went to the Finals of the Senior Stars talent contest. This is a local Star Search type of talent show for people 65 and older. It was at the Ryman, which in an amazing place to hear any kind of music, and these guys had so much talent and energy and love for performing. I was tearing up at almost every act, I was up on my feet clapping along with the gospel numbers and on the edge of my seat hoping the baton twirler wouldn't miss a toss. It was overwhelming, not just because people were giving their all, but because they were older. Some of them in their eighties and very stooped and still able to produce a lovely alto sax sound or beat a mean rhythm on the spoons.

When the winner was announced, a couple of women sitting near me went bananas. They must have been related to Robert Shipp because they were jumping up and down and screaming and hugging each other like he had won American Idol in from of 20 million people. It was contagious and I was crying and clapping and screaming, too. I was happy for him. He had won $5000 after all. But also he was an old man, taking a chance, doing something he loved and getting recognized for it. That's worth cheering for.

So I do have a renewed sense of possibility. Not just from the lengthy calendar listings, but also from the senior stars and the thought that it's never too late to chase your creative dreams. Good morning Nashville, here I come!

Y'all check out Robert Shipp's audition...

Week 4: No words for you

2010-10-15T09:26:00.000-07:00

So the big activity or challenge for Week 4 of the Artist's Way is Reading Deprivation. The premise is that as blocked artists we consume other people's creations as a way to avoid our own thoughts or the scary prospect of creating something (that might fail) ourselves. So the task is to spend a week NOT reading and see what happens. Julia isn't too specific about what forms of media are to be avoided. She casually mentions avoiding magazines and newspapers and TV, but the book was written before blogs and email and social networks became such distractions. So I threw those in, too. Also, she several times suggests that you might listen to music when you aren't reading. But as a musician, I recognize that I often listen to other people's music instead of creating my own. So I decided to have musical deprivation, too.

In some ways, this was an incredibly easy week to do this task. Since I had just moved into a new apartment, there was a lot to do so I didn't have a lot of downtime to read anyway. Plus, I didn't have internet set up in the new place so that meant I had very limited access to blogs, twitter, and TV since I only watch Hulu and Netflix. So it was easy in that it didn't take much self-discipline to avoid reading. Self-discipline is hard for me. But there were several times when I'd been unpacking for hours and I sat down on the couch and reached for the latest New Yorker. No. Get up. Go tackle one more box. Go for a walk. Do something else. And by golly, I got that whole apartment unpacked. And I got myself packed up for Nashville.

That's the other thing that happened in Week 4. I packed up my car full of stuff (Not too much, though. I purged, remember?) and drove part-way to my new part-time home. And there were other people in the car and there was a wedding and a family trip to the mountains over the weekend, too. So not much time to squeeze in reading or TV even if I had wanted to. I was way too busy hiking and dancing and toasting hearing about my friends' love lives and travel adventures and job woes. I didn't have a second to miss reading at all.

Music was harder. I listened to silence in the car when I was running errands and several days while I was unpacking. But I did put on some old CDs while I was emptying boxes. And I put on a record when a friend came over for dinner. And of course, there was lots of music at the wedding. But I think my true break-down came on Sunday afternoon when Alison and I had pretty much spent 48 straight hours together, had discussed everything we could think of, had been driving for 6 hours and NEEDED the radio on. Still, the stations faded in and out as the road winded around the mountains, so we had to talk anyway. And it didn't distract us from seeing a bald eagle swooping over the farmlands of western Virginia, so I think it was OK.

The first chance I really had to go back to consuming media was Tuesday when I had a 10 hour drive to Nashville. I probably would have gone crazy trying to drive 10 hours by myself in silence, so I was really glad I had some audiobooks and music and phone calls (on the headset!) to keep my brain alive. But I also spent some time with nothing playing, because I really see the value of being quiet with my thoughts. And when I got here and spent a day "working" with my 12 different windows open, flipping around between playing videos and checking email and Facebook and music listings, I felt like a total scatterbrain. I want to go back to that place of focus I had last week. So maybe a little bit of reading deprivation every day is in order. If you all would just stop creating such interesting things for me to read and watch and listen to, it would be a lot easier!

This is kinda creepy. And kinda awesome.

2010-10-14T09:35:00.000-07:00

Week 3: Nothing dramatic

2010-10-06T10:17:00.000-07:00

I was thinking that nothing really dramatic has happened in Week 3 of the Artist's Way. I mean, no dramatic creative breakthroughs. But I did move to a new apartment, so that was a lot of life drama. And it feels good. A new start.

Also, I found myself feeling very confident in my decision-making about the move. I'm declaring things. I don't want that! This chair goes there! The plates must be on the bottom shelf and glasses on top! This feels good, too. I've been so indecisive in the past and it brings me down and wastes my time. I like feeling sure of myself about something. Even if it is just that dresses are on the left and pants on the right. I'm creating my own living space, so I should make it the way I want. Baby steps in using my own power to change things.

After 4 solid days of packing, moving and unpacking, I got cleaned up and headed to the Dream Away Lodge to play. I ate a huge pork chop and a drank a glass of wine and sat in the cozy music room and sang songs. It felt sublime. I felt like me. I like what I do.

Off to donate another box to Goodwill. Then to pack for two months in Nashville. Did I say nothing dramatic was happening?

Week 2: BirthdayPartyTagSale

2010-09-29T11:12:00.000-07:00

So Week 2 of The Artist's Way is about recovering your identity and figuring out how to define your own interests and boundaries. How synchronistic then, that this week we should decide that this big, expensive Victorian house is not for us, and a small 2 bedroom (+ office!) flat in a neighboring town suits us much better. And how crazy that we have 10 days to purge and pack and move. Whew!

So as I was exploring memories of things I love to do and maybe have forgotten through the written tasks in the Artist's Way, I was also cleaning closets and finding physical evidence of those things. Beading, knitting, fabric and sewing patterns, rubber stamps and a ton of other crafts. Camping equipment that hasn't been used in years. Clothes appropriate for nowhere I'll ever go. Games I don't play. CDs I don't listen to. Some of it reminds me that I'm neglecting my interests, so I'll save those things and try to bring them back into use. (I love cooking over a campfire.) And some of it shows how my interests have changed, so those things will go. (In the unlikely chance that I suddenly have an urgent need to put puffy paint on my clothes, I know where I can get some more.)

My birthday came this week, which was also a classic opportunity to look back and think about who I've been over all these years. And it gave me another chance to do a couple other things on my list of "Things I like to do:" Have Guests Over, and Bake For Crowds. Thus was conceived the BrthdayPartyTagSale. I made a huge batch of sticky buns and a big pot of coffee and all our friends and neighbors came to hang out and sift through all the things we didn't want anymore. At the end of the day, we had a sugar crash, $116 more dollars and a lot less stuff. I think I also had a little better sense of who I am. The move comes in Week 3 and I'll probably have to get rid of a lot more stuff once I see how my identity as a "small house person" doesn't really mesh with my identity as "Renaissance woman with 75 different interests." Stay tuned...

I survived Week 1, a hero's quest.

2010-09-21T12:35:00.000-07:00

Worked my way through most of the tasks in Week 1 of The Artist's Way and was feeling pretty good by Friday. I felt strong from all the affirmations and because I had identified the enemies of my creativity and sleighed them in my mind. Then, I heard a couple of pieces of rejection. (I won't share them with you. I'm not that strong.)

Uhg! It felt like two steps backwards. Like all that confidence I had built up was just to make me strong enough to stand being shot down again. Boo! So the next day I had planned to attend the Lizard Lounge Open Mic Challenge Main Event, a single elimination songwriting contest. I'm not too big on contests, as I've written before. I had actually played this Monday open mic probably at least 2 years ago, maybe 3, and had never been close enough to Boston make it to the semi-annual big contest with a $500 prize. Plus the whole "I'm not doing any more contests" thing. But I did want a chance to hear and meet 21 other Boston area songwriters at once and so I had put my name on the list.

But after Friday's bummers I wasn't sure that I was ready to be rejected again. I didn't think winning was the only reason to go. I just didn't want to get out in the first round. Even though I know half of the people, really great artists, were going to be eliminated in the first round. But I decided to go anyway. I set out on a quest to survive the attacks on my ego that would surely come. Got stuck in a huge traffic jam, took 5.5. hours to get the 120 miles to Boston and was 1.5 hours late for the load-in. You can bet I was chanting to myself "Just don't get out in the first round. Please, God, the power of the universe, whatever I'm calling you today, don't let me get out in the first round!"

I was chatting backstage with some of the other writers and we were having a good time getting to know each other and discussing strategy for the contest. I had been thinking all day what to play first, but had to make a pretty quick decision because my name was drawn to sing 3rd. This also meant that I wouldn't know what the other person in my bracket was going to do. So I decided to go straight to the "big guns" song. The one that I was sure could beat anything else. If I wasted it and had nothing left for later rounds, I would be sad. But I was focused on not getting out in the first round. Can you guess what my big guns song was? I think it's kind of hilarious, but I was under a lot of stress. My Miner. That sad simple thing is what I played and I made it through. Mission accomplished.

I kept making it through round after round and then I got kind of zen about it. Every time I knew exactly which song to play and I started to look ahead and feel sure I could beat everyone I was matched against. I was in the single-elimination-song-contest zone. By the time I was in the final four, I knew I was going to win. It was as clear as day.

It was getting really late, though. 1:45AM or so by the time the final round started. At this point there was a little bit more than just having a good time and not being humiliated on my mind. There was the "I'm gonna get home at 5AM and I'd really like to be $500 richer when I do" feeling added on. But whatever, it's only sleep, right?

So the other guy and his wife played first. It was kind of a political song I think (1:45AM, remember). So I figured I'd play my kind of political lifestyle song and belt it out and totally take it home. I did Grow Your Own. Maybe kinda croaky, but I gave it my all and I walked off the stage, humbly thanking the hard-core audience members and eliminated songwriters who had been drinking now for 6 hours. I gave my competitors a hug, just like the Miss America contestants do, and waited for the judges to announce that I was the winner. I was so totally sure that I won. So calm. So ready to use part of that $500 to spring for a hotel so I didn't have to drive home.

And then they ruled. 2 votes for him and 1 for me. And it was over and it was 2:05AM and I had nothing. But the best part is, I didn't care. I really didn't. I liked what I did better. And not in like a nasty "He didn't deserve to win, I'm so much better than him. Those judges don't know anything" kind of a way. Not like that at all. He was good. He was amazing in some ways. I just really felt that I did my best and for that night my best was good enough for me. And I don't wish I could play or write like him, even if he has contest-winning songs. I got applause and lots of positive feedback and I had a great time being on stage. And that is what I want when I play music, not prizes and titles. And I guess I somehow learned that in Week 1. And I think I have a jump on Week 2: Recovering Your Sense of Identity.

If you want to check out the guy who went all the way to the winner's circle, he's Tony Memmel. Super nice and deserving all the good that comes to him.

Back in the blog.

2010-09-15T09:22:00.000-07:00

What is up with my lack of blogging? I guess that 5 days in a row marathon output really took it out of me for a while. I haven't been doing much on Twitter or Facebook either, guess I'm just having a private couple of months. It's sometimes nice to get away from the chatter. And to keep from adding to it.

I've been doing what? Thinking, reading, gardening, pickling, writing songs, making lists, sewing patches. Went to the beach. Went to the South. Found a place to live part-time in Nashville so I can go to the South a lot more often. Went to the Barney's Warehouse Sale and braved the elbowing and shoving and trying things on in the aisles to get these perfect jeans for only $19.75 that I love and can NOT take off. Like seriously, I've worn them 5 days in a row now.

I started reading The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron. It's an absolute classic, always-recommended major work of the self-help cannon, so I can't believe I haven't ever read it. A lot of the concepts are in other books I have read, and I have been doing a kind of morning pages things for a while, but I can already see after a couple of days, that it's going to make a huge difference in my life. I'm discovering things about myself and working through them. See, it got me blogging after a two month absence! It's working already.

Pickle attempt #1

Day 5: California!!

2010-07-13T22:54:00.000-07:00

We made it!! What else is there to really say? Just a little...

I could go on about the rest of Nevada and the exciting Agricultural Inspection Station at the border of California. Or the way we came down form the plateau, all those thousands of feet that we had slowly climbed over the long days in the Midwest, in 1 hour from Tahoe to Sacramento. But really the best part was driving up to Matt and Sara's house and witnessing Fenway's reunion with his family.

As soon as he saw Sara (holding baby Patrick) out the window, he was barking and yowling and itching to get our of the car. I wonder if he thought he'd ever see her again. What does he understand about being left, living with new people, then living out of a car that keeps opening up to strange new places? That I can't say, but I know he was happy in that moment, and then all over again when he saw Maggie and then again when Matt came home. There has been so much barking and licking and tail wagging it's no wonder he's snoring away in his new living room right now.

As for me, I feel a huge sense of relief and accomplishment. I drove all the way across the country. Not many people can say that. And I brought a dog back to his family. I feel like I should have my own pet reunification made-for-TV special or something. Cue the strings.

So far, Berkeley is really fun. We haven't done too much more than walk around and eat good food (including plums from the tree in the back yard) and look at all sorts of amazing plants that are blooming all around. And the sunset and then the panoramic night view of the city and bridges from a high lookout point. It's all beautiful and happy and I am already scared that I'll like it too much here. But you know what? I loved the Great Salt Flats, too. And if I can love and endless plain of salt, I think I can make it anywhere.

Day 4

2010-07-12T23:21:00.001-07:00

We're at the hotel. Too tired to write much. Today was beautiful and
harsh. Windy, sunny, up and down. Tomorrow is the last leg and I want
an early start. So good night. Fenway is already fast asleep.

Day 3: Nebraska, Nebraska, Nebraska, and Wyoming

2010-07-11T21:22:00.000-07:00

Nebraska really got the short end of the stick on this trip. I'd already been admiring the subtle, beautiful midwestern landscape for about 14 hours before we got to Omaha, so another 9 hours of the same wasn't particularly exciting. But somehow, with my iPod, Pandora, a new audiobook and a stop for a Runza, we made it through with high spirits. Then it was Wyoming and raining and getting a little more mountainous.

We stopped in Cheyenne for a walk and to look around. It was pretty quiet, not sure if it was because it's Sunday or just a little slow all the time. I liked the gold-domed capitol, though.

I guess we must have been slowly climbing in altitude the whole day through Nebraska because after Cheyenne, I pulled over to a rest stop and discovered we were at the highest point on I-80. It's at 8,640 feet and there is a big Lincoln Monument there. Random, but cool.

Finally to Laramie, cutie little college town, and another motel where Fenway has made himself comfortable. I got to work-out on the treadmill and get some dinner in town. When I got back, I took Fenway out for a walk and it's freezing out there! 58 degrees and windy.

Now I'm gonna sleep. Still 1,100 miles to go!

Day 2, 790 miles

2010-07-10T22:04:00.000-07:00

Ahhh. We are checked in to a motel in Council Bluffs, IA. I wanted to make it all the way to Nebraska, but the hotels were a bit cheaper on this side of the river, and I can see Omaha, so I feel like I essentially made it. Even so, that was a 14 hour day and we still didn't even go 1/3 of the way. So I'm definitely adding another day to the trip.

For the second day in a row, Fenway was an absolute travel champ. We stopped less often, but for longer so he got to lounge in the grass, but didn't have to jump in and out of the car as much. The rest of the time he slept and didn't seem to care much that we were in the car ALL day. I'm also really starting to feel like we are on a cross-country road trip together, not just that I am driving a dog across the country.

My day was kind of emotionally intense because we were retracing the drive I took to and from college several dozen times. It was familiar, but different form the road I've travelled so much as a musician. Then about 2 hours before we reached Grinnell, I heard a Sheryl Crow song and decided to make a Pandora station around her. It ended up being a Songs-Abi-Listened-To-In-College station full of Alanis Morrisette, Sarah McLachlan, and Natalie Merchant.

So then I got to thinking about college and all I've done since then and had my own little awkward reunion in my mind. What's funny is that this summer, on this trip, I really feel more like a 21-year-old than I have in a long time. OK, not my back, which is stiff from all the driving, but in my lack of direction right now. I'm like The Graduate just hanging out by the pool. (Better watch out for an Anne Bancroft at the rest stop!) Since college graduation, I've always had a mission, a goal, but now I'm just not sure what's next. Should I make a CD or just keep writing and trying to get a cut? Should I rent a room in Nashville? Should I buy a house somewhere else? Ack!

So I showed Fenway around the place where I asked myself all these kinds of questions the first time. He did what he does everywhere and then we got back in the car. He's got a family to take care of in California, and right now, my job is to get him there.

Day 1, In very few words

2010-07-09T21:16:00.000-07:00

Can't write much because I don't want another late start tomorrow. Fenway was great in the car. No whining or barking, perky at all the rest stops, eager to sniff whatever other traveling dogs had left behind. As the day wore on, he was less and less excited to get back in the car at the end of each stop, but who could blame him?

Looking at the map for the rest of my trip, I actually started to get worried for myself. Really? I think I'm gonna drive 800 miles a day for the next 3 days in a row? Huh. I think that would be illegal if I were a professional truck driver. Maybe I should re-think my stops.

But whatever ends up happening, I'm really going to try to get up early to run and stretch before I leave. Early! Did I say that yet? Don't want to be arriving anywhere at midnight. Early!

A Different Trip

2010-07-08T08:31:00.000-07:00

I've driven all around this country quite a bit, but I'm leaving tomorrow on a road trip that will be a bit different. Here's why:
1.) I'm not playing any shows along the way.
2.) I'm driving straight through from Massachusetts to Berkeley. This will take me through two states I've never set foot in, Wyoming and Nevada. (I'm also not sure if I've been in Nebraska, but I'll be 7 hours sure after this drive.)
3.) I'll have a huge black lab named Fenway in the car with me. (Photo by my aunt Suzanne!)

It's not a very complicated story. My good friends Matt and Sara and their two kids moved from Great Barrington to Berkeley this month. We met in Portland 10 years ago and have stayed in touch through many moves (Maine, Mexico, Texas) over the years. It was so great that we all lived in the Berkshires for the past 6 months, but now Matt's company has relocated to San Francisco and they flew away last week. The problem was that their huge, old dog wasn't up for a plane trip and they didn't have the time (or patience with a 3- and 1-year-old) to drive across country. Since I have a "flexible schedule," I said I'd drive their car and dog across country. I'm still thinking it will be kinda fun and not absolute insanity.

I'm planning to drive about 12 hours a day and stick mostly to Interstate 80. I figure between me and the dog, we'll need to stop every few hours to pee and stretch, so I'm hoping a few National Parks will be close to the highway. It should be beautiful from the highway anyway, so I'm excited for the scenery.

I had wanted to listen to some epic book series or the entire catalog of a certain artist, but I couldn't really decide. Right now I have 3 audiobooks and a full iPod, but I'm dissatisfied. It seems to choppy. I want something that will tie the whole drive together. A single narrative. Maybe I'll create my own somehow.

I'm not particularly worried about the long hours of driving. I've done that before. I'm mostly worried that Fenway will be stressed or hot or stiff. He is old and delicate. It's been hot here for the past few days and he is miserable. I finally set up an air conditioner in his room last night to help cool him off. I don't even have an AC in my room, but this dog needed it. This morning around 9am, I hear him yowling and howling like never before. I'd already fed and walked him, so I didn't know why he would make such a fuss. I went in to find that the AC had cycled off and needed to be reset. Really. This dog was desperate for me to turn his AC back on. Things I won't do for myself, and I won't do for my pets, I'll do for my friends' pets. That is so me.

But thank god we aren't driving Matt and Sara's old Jeep Cherokee as originally planned. It has no AC, which didn't really bother me, but now I'm sure Fenway would not have made it in the Jeep. M&S figured it wouldn't pass emissions inspection in California, so another friend drove the Jeep up to their house in Maine. Now Fenway and I are in a new car with AC and low miles and cruise control and we are gonna be fine. I hope.

Now, back to packing and prepping. Fenway needs one more bath before we spend 48 hours in the car together. Stay tuned...

Finding a new home

2010-06-03T11:21:00.000-07:00

So a couple of months ago there was the first-time home buyer tax credit, and some inheritance and it's a buyer's market, so we decided to look around and think about buying a house in the Berkshires. We saw a bunch of houses with our awesome real estate agent, made lists, got pre-approved for a mortgage and put in a offer on a run-down duplex. We were beat out for that house, but we were not deterred!

I was planning gardens and pricing tile options and meeting with excavators and plumbing and heating specialists. I was planning a blog entry all about it. I would say "that's why I haven't been songwriting much," and "I just have to have a guest room in my new house because I love having visitors, like the lovely Jess Klein who just spent 3 days here."

I'll admit that I was worried about how I would write songs, tour and fix up a house all at the same time. Especially since the plan was to try to fix it up pretty quickly so it would be ready to sell whenever we would be ready to move. But I figured that I'd figure all that out somehow. I felt scared, but also really brave and the more other people thought I was crazy, the more empowered I felt.

As I was driving off for a 3 week tour, I was actually talking on my mobile phone to my realtor and Alison about how much to offer for this funky 70's ski chalet on 4 acres of wooded mountainside. And then I drove some more and saw more of the midwest. The space! Then I went water skiing with The Ginn Sisters and felt the heat of summer that I had really missed all last year. Then I got to Austin and saw a hundred houses, little bungalows in bright colors, that I would rather live in that anything I've looked at in Berkshire County. And I'm playing music and listening to great music and seeing all my friends all the time.

Hmmmm. Maybe I don't want a fixer-upper hidden way back on a dirt road after all. There are lots of factors for us to consider that I think we were ignoring. I feel like I've been in a Berkshires bubble for that past few months and I forgot that the rest of the world existed. Ack! I hate making decisions. But this one definitely needs more consideration. I will say that I've heard tell that my greens and strawberries and peonies are all going gangbusters back home, so there is a little part of me that wants to stay there and just garden all summer. But before I do that, I have to go to Kerrville and hear some amazing music, eat more good Mexican food and Texas BBQ, and then go to Nashville and have fun, be inspired, and get obsessed with the idea of living there instead. It's gonna be a busy week.

Action before Inspiration

2010-03-08T07:14:00.000-08:00

I can't spend too much time writing this blog. Maybe it's my recent trip to Nashville, or Spring, or listening to Deepak Chopra, but my brain is full, and lately I've been turning all my thoughts into songs. For the past two weeks I've been acting like the disciplined songwriter that I want to be. One that goes to work every morning, creating music and pushing through frustration and laziness. I'm not waiting for inspiration or retreats or that illusive day when everything on my to-do list is checked off. I'm just doing it. I'm not sure yet if any of the songs are keepers, but damn it feels good to be making them.

Club Helsinki Hudson

2010-02-23T12:14:00.000-08:00

When I decided, a bit reluctantly, to move to Great Barrington, Club Helsinki was one of the things that made it seem like life was going to be OK. In a pastoral county full of Gilded Age country manors and lots of people who want to get away from everything hectic, urban and modern, Helsinki offered some grit, some edge. They presented a constant stream of the best musicians from around the country and weren't afraid to push buttons with burlesque or punk music. And people really loved to hear music in that tiny room. I played a great show there in June to a full house during a dramatic thunderstorm with rain pounding the skylight. Needless to say, when the club announced it would close at the end of August, I was distraught. It felt like there was no place left in the Berkshires that wasn't quaint. And quaint can really wear you out.

Last week I visited the soon-to-open incarnation of Club Helsinki in Hudson, NY and even though it's a 45 minute drive, I'm really excited to frequent the new location. Deborah and Marc (with lots of help from local artisans and a new business partner) have undertaken a huge 4-year renovation on a giant warehouse in downtown Hudson. While the space is much bigger and more beautiful than the original club in GB, the intimacy and quirkiness that defined Helsinki has been carried over in the reclaimed wood interiors, salvaged lighting fixtures, and vintage booths. (Correction. The booths are handmade, too!) Meanwhile, the sound system, lighting, and artist areas are all updated. There is ample office room, kitchen space, a recording studio, and dynamic event space and giant windows lighting up the cafe. With all these physical improvements, the variety of artists that the club will be able to present is greatly multiplied. They have already started planning classical chamber concerts and a circus. I can't wait to see what other art, be it beautifully sublime or scarily sexy, thrives there.

CYH: I'm so excited!

2010-02-15T08:33:00.000-08:00

I am not really a super huge, camp-out-in-line-for-tickets kind of fan for anything except maybe the Dixie Chicks. This little preview video and the tracks up at Court Yard Hounds website make me want to check back hourly for updates. Who is singing lead? She sounds like Sheryl Crow? Emily? And wow, all that was hidden behind Natalie's voice? How far will I have to drive to see the live show? I'll do it. Yipeeeee! Of course their first show is at SXSW the year I'm not going. It's just too much. I must go take a cold shower.

I miss Europe and my girls!

2010-02-11T09:18:00.000-08:00

My friends know how to hit the town

2010-02-10T10:26:00.000-08:00

Just got home from 9 days on the road and it's great to be cooking and doing laundry and running around my cute little town (in 54 degree weather)! But the trip was great. Living in a rural area makes touring even more fun than it was before because I get to see friends and hustle and bustle and restaurants and what's happening out there in the rest of the world. So inspiring.

When I was heading South, my friend Sarah sent me a text saying "If you can get here by 1:30, come to the Atlanta Hawks game with us." I'm not a real basketball fan, but she has great seats and I'm not turning down any event where there are crowds. I miss people around me! So we cheered and Sarah pointed out the celebs in the arena. The Hawks lost, but I feel like I know a little bit more about America and that's a good thing.

When I got to Nashville a couple of days later, my friend Emilee who has an "in" at the historic bluegrass club, The Station Inn, talked us in to the sold-out Infamous Stringdusters show. Their special guest that night was Dierks Bentley, a major label country singer with cred in the traditional commnunity. He sings "17 Cents" on the new 'Dusters album and they played that song plus 2 standards and a couple bluegrass arrangements of Bentley songs. They are great musicians all around and the whole set was really loose and everyone - on stage and in the crowd - looked like they were having a great time.

Now I'm home and that mostly means staying home. The only place I'll likely become the Foursquare mayor of is my local post office. That's OK. I gotta save up energy for my next trip.

New Year's Eve/Day is My Favorite Holiday

2009-12-31T08:19:00.000-08:00

For a self-proclaimed self-help junkie, this is the ultimate holiday. There's no religious meaning, no patriotic ceremonies. It's just the flipping over of a calendar day, year, and this time, a decade. It's just an excuse to reflect and refocus. It's like we all worship the concept of self-improvement for a day. And it makes me soooo happy.

Today we look back and what we've done, celebrate the good, mourn the bad, say goodbye and blow it out with a big party. Tomorrow we make goals, resolutions, predictions and get started on the ever impossible task of living some perfect life. But really it's all just a beautiful mess that only takes shape when you get the long view or somehow squish it into a neat little song. And days like today are good inspiration.

I'm not sure yet how I'll asses my year, or what I'll resolve to do this decade. But I do know that I want to keep reflecting and resolving as I go. And try to fit in some plain old just-doing and being-in-the-moment while I'm at it.

Bad day/ Bad Meinberg

2009-11-01T01:10:00.001-07:00

We might have had our first bad day. It was also our first day off and we didn't have a real plan, so that means decisions. Deciding where to go, where to eat, where to stay and for how long. How cheap of a hotel or hostel can we stand?

And deciding really wears you down. It is not relaxing, it's stressful. And the longer you draw it out, the worse it feels.

That's why we decided (ha!) that we'd spend the next two nights in the same place. That way, one decision covers two nights. So we mapped our trip, found a city close to our next gig and searched for hotels in the vacinity.

It was so amazingly lucky that knowing nothing about the town, and being only able to communicate with the hotel proprietress in beginner German, we were able to reserve a great clean, triple room in the resort town of Bad Meinberg where there are lovely Nordic Walking trails and mineral springs and baths.

We gave our brains a real day off, gave the car a day off and gave our bodies a little exercize. So almost everyone else visiting the town was over 70, and all the boutiques were full of flannel nightgowns and Mephisto shoes, and this amazing mineral water really just makes you poop five minutes later, it was still relaxing.

We just ate and strolled and hiked and watched a movie and tried to speak and understand German. Simple problems. And we're off again!

Fondue!

2009-10-26T04:55:00.003-07:00

More cheese please

2009-10-26T04:55:00.001-07:00

The food has been amazing and plentiful on our trip. Every restaurant
has served from-scratch, fresh food and excellent coffee and bread.
We've had Bockbier last night, Swiss wine, Scotch whiskey, and plenty
of water "without gas" (carbonation).

We've also had so much good cheese. I think it's was served with every
meal, including the breakfast buffet. But the cheesy highlight was
visiting the old medieval town of Gruyere and eating a giant pot of
fondue. We dipped fresh French bread and boiled potatoes in the
perfectly melted blend of wine, Emmentaler and Gruyere cheese. And it
was so good, and we just couldn't stop eating, no matter how full we
felt until all the fondue was gone.

All except Charlie, that is, who loves cheese but has a lactose
intolerance. She tried a few glorious bites and vowed that next time
she comes back to Europe, she will pack more lactaid than CDs.

Oops, gotta run! Our host at this country guest house is arriving with
our breakfast. And look, he has cheese!

Travel Day

2009-10-19T05:53:00.001-07:00

Today is the first big day of my trip and it involves many modes of transportation. Car, train, subway, taxi, and then airplane to Zurich. Leg one is done. Gonna try to catch a few Zzz on the train, but not too many, because I do want to sleep a long time on the plane.

I'm really excited to go - in a way that I hadn't anticipated. I've been so caught up in the details of planning and thinking about work that I forgot how profound international travel can be. It really rocks your core to be in a different culture, so that every minute is vibrant and special. I'm really looking forward to living in that heightened reality for a bit.

Also, I'm really excited to meet the people I have been emailing with and talking to on the phone. And to meet the local people at our shows! I feel lucky to travel in this way, not really a tourist.

AND I'm really excited to play music every night and get the band rockin' and just feel the commraderie of making art with friends.

Ok, my ticket is punched, sleepy time for me.

Making sure/Final preperations

2009-10-18T07:36:00.001-07:00

Hi!!!!!!!

I'm so excited for my European tour, so all those exclamation points are warranted. I'm running around packing and getting everything ready. This message is just to make sure that I'm all set up to post blogs from my phone. Now I have to figure our how to get pictures in here. Maybe Facebook. I don't know. Better check my packing priorities and see what I have time for.

!!!!!!!!!! Just for good measure.

Out of Tenn

2009-09-30T05:50:00.000-07:00

I'm trying to live as though traveling to New York or Boston for one night is no big deal. It's hard to suck it up and drive or sit on the train for hours just to see a show, but I know in the long run it's good for me. I need to stay connected to that city energy and see great live music. So last night I trekked to Boston for the Ten Out of Tenn show at Cafe 939 at Berkelee College. It's ten Nashville based songwriters touring together on Willie Nelson's old bus.

I only knew the music of a couple of the artists and I had heard of a couple of the others, but at least 6 of the artists were new to me, and I didn't know what to expect from the night. Especially since I don't generally consider myself a big fan of 'indie-pop." But about 3 songs in to the show, I remembered that every time I go out the see music in Nashville, even if it's a friend of a friend who's music is in some style I don't think I like, I'm always impressed. The level of musicianship and writing is just so great in that town, just about everything sounds good.

What I thought was going to be a loose jam by a bunch of songwriters was actually a tightly arranged band with a rotating cast of musicians held together by the solid drumming of Will Sayles. Each of the "ten" took a couple of turns at the center mic, leading the band in their songs, but then they'd scoot over to a keyboard or trade off guitar for bass and sing some harmonies. The sound was surprisingly consistent, even though each songwriter's personality came through clearly. Everyone seemed to be having a great time and the whole show had an after-school-special/Fat Albert kind of feel to it. Only these hopeful kids can really play, and from the looks of their bios and the slick TOT website, they know how to manage their own careers, too. I bought "the bundle" that included one of each of their CDs, plus the latest TOT compilation, which was only $50.

Sarah Siskind and Ashley Monroe were probably my favorites, probably because they were the more Americana part of the show and they both have such interesting voices. Madi Diaz was a Berkelee grad with lots of fans in the crowd and I really liked her, too. I wouldn't be surprised if one of her songs becomes a Fiest-y kind of indie hit. I didn't love Jedd Hughes' songs at the show, mostly because they were so loud and I couldn't hear the lyrics, but his EP is great and I'm sure I'll play it lots and try to see him again.

So worth the drive to Boston. And I was home by 1:30am. No big deal, that's how I roll.

Falling into place

2009-09-18T08:29:00.000-07:00

I gotta say, I'm happy to be home. And by home, I do mean the Berkshires. If you read this blog, you know that's a big deal.

It's not just because of my own bed and kitchen and my love. It's because little chipmunks scamper across the trail when I go running. My garden really needs weeding and the compost needs to be turned. There is a nip in the air that is kind of exciting because I haven't felt a real Fall in 7 years. There are apples to be picked and sweaters to be knitted.

I'd gotten really good at not caring about all these things, maybe because they aren't my favorite things ever and maybe because I just couldn't have them in Texas. But now they are here and I've got them, so I'm going to enjoy this first Autumn as best I can.

2009-09-07T21:29:00.000-07:00

I'm snuggled into a lavender bed at The Ginn Parents' house in rural Texas after a super-relaxing Labor Day Weekend. I've been in Austin for a couple days, then I was camping and singing and catching up with friends at the Kerrville Wine and Music Festival. And I'm happy to be in Texas, to be hot, to eat BBQ and drink Shiner Bock and be lazy in a hammock under Live Oak trees, to know my way around and to run into people I know when I'm not even trying to.

But it's not as hard as it was last time. Last time, it was so good and so different from my new life, that it made me sad to be so happy and content when I came back to visit. Now I'm much more relaxed. Maybe because I haven't lost touch with people (thanks Facebook!). My favorite places are still here, and I know I'm going to be back in a couple months. So I can just enjoy this place for what it is, instead of what the rest of my life isn't.

Hate Not

2009-09-01T08:26:00.000-07:00

Derek Sivers is a very cool guy with lots of good ideas about all sorts of things. I met him as the creator of the awesome online music store CDBaby. In his blog last week, he asked the question "What do you hate not doing?" as a way to figure out what you really love. You know I love self-help and quizes, so here are a few things I hate not doing. I'm not sure I like the idea of writing a whole blog about hate, but here goes.

I hate not performing.
Not only because I feel terribly off when I do come back to it, but because I miss connecting with people through music. I miss the challenge of choosing the right songs for the situation and hitting the right emotional tone with each performance. I miss working out my lungs and vocal chords and calluses. And I miss the attention. Can't deny that. :)

I hate not writing.
I hate that I let days, weeks, even months go by without cracking open my journal. That's the place where I let it fly without a filter and it really calms me down and gets me focused. I also hate not writing songs. Songwriting is when I take all my crazy ideas and experiences and shape them into a neat little package and summarize all my feelings about something. Sometimes it's closure, sometimes it's a manifesto. Either way, I feel more settled when a song is finished, and excited to get out there and play it for people. I hate not having a new song to share.

I hate not having balance in my social vs. alone time.
Spending says on end with people, even people I love, even when I'm having a great time, leaves me feeling so scattered. I'm very influenced by others' desires and opinions, so I tend to lose center and follow the crowd when I don't get time alone. On the other hand, I hate being alone too much. I get into boring patterns and I do stupid things like watch hours of TV or play video games when I've got too much time alone. I like having other people around me to bring up new ideas, hold me accountable and be a witness, so I won't eat the whole carton of ice cream. Lately I've been having long spates of alone time, followed by intense visits. Whew! I need balance. I'm such a Libra.

I hate staying in the same place for too long.
Even if it's just walking down a different side street. I need new sights and smells and sounds coming at me. I think I travel enough for this not to be much of a problem. :)

I hate not exercising and eating right.
Because when I do, I feel better. When I don't I feel sluggish and guilty. Hate isn't too strong a word for that feeling.

I hate not asking questions.
I'm a curious person and I wonder about a lot of different things. Sometimes I don't like this about myself, because before I have time to really delve into something, I invariably get curious about something new. But I love the beginnings of projects. I love going to a new town and learning it's history, it's local hangouts. Everything is interesting for a little while. And I hate when I'm doing the same old same old over and over again and not exploring some new business idea or region of the country.

Allright, now what did this little exercise teach me? The best lesson is that all the things I hate not doing are things I mostly get to do all the time! That's good. And when I'm not doing them it's usually because I'm being scared or lazy. So the next time I don't want to go for a run or spend an hour on booking or introduce myself to a new friend, I'm going to think "You'll hate it if you don't do this!" Maybe that will get me going.

Now I want to know what you hate not doing. Maybe this is the next "50 things"....

Falcon Ridge 2009

2009-08-02T14:27:00.001-07:00

It's a week after Falcon Ridge and life is almost back to my normal routine, if I even have such a thing. But in sitting down to write this blog, looking back at my notes and pics and tweets, I'm so happy remembering what a great time I had. Ahhh. Reminisce with me for a few minutes...

How could I not mention the mud? Unfortunately, it keeps raining in the Berkshires and the weekend of FRFF was no exception. I'm lucky enough to live only about 25 minutes from the festival site, so I got to get a warm shower and dry bed every night, but it was still a bummer to see the rain drive people into their tents and cars when great acts were playing and a few even had to be cancelled or rescheduled. Of course, mud boots were all the rage for women and men. Mom came to the fest with me and she tried to go without rubber boots, but by day two was heading to Agway for a pair.

I was doubly lucky because it never rained during any of my sets. It was beautifully sunny and breezy on Saturday afternoon when I was on the main stage for the Most Wanted Song Swap. So breezy, in fact, that my hair kept blowing into my mouth. It was annoying and I kept wondering why none of the other four women on stage seemed to be having unruly hair issues. Headband, bangs, barrettes and hat, that's why. Lesson learned and no more wild hair in the mouth for outdoor shows.

The next day was forecasted to be stormy, so I was nervous about my sets being cancelled. Thick clouds and a cold wind were blowing when I started a song swap with John Flynn, Ellis Paul, Tracy Grammar, Joe Henry, and Lucy Wainright Roche (hello!), but we played anyway. It got around to the last song of the hour and I played "My Miner" with everyone jamming along. It was a musically transcendent moment for me with the volume and intensity rising as I sang "Let me be your light, Let me be your light" over and over. And then the clouds broke and the first bright sunlight of the day shone down on us, just like we were calling for it. I don't know if that moment was as sublime to anyone else, but I think it might have been my favorite moment of performance so far in my life. Ahhh. Maybe there is a video. Maybe I don't want to see it, I just want to remember it with all it's fuzzy edges in my mind.

Festivals are so great for seeing lots of friends, hearing bands live that you've only heard about, and unfortunately they are also great for running into people who you should know, but can't remember their name. Oi! I am terrible at remembering people and I realize that I don't even try. It's a bad habit. And I met so many awesome new people this weekend, who I've probably already forgotten. It doesn't make up for it, but I don't expect people to remember me either. I like being at festivals and conferences where most people are wearing name tags. Name tags are great, especially when they also say where you work and what city you live in. If only we could figure out a way to make them remind us of when we met and who we know in common. I think I was the only one wearing a name tag at my five-year high school reunion. Everyone scoffed at the thought that we could forget each other after only 5 years, but I knew I had forgotten people's names and I was trying to start a trend. Never was much of a trendsetter in high school. Well, there was that wrap skirt pattern and the knitting club, but other than that....

OK. One more happy story. Last year, lots of folks were really disappointed that the tornado that hit the fest prevented Gandolf Murphy and the Slambovian Circus of Dreams from performing. I've been hearing about them for a couple of years from every direction, so I was excited to hear them for myself. I have to say, they didn't blow me away. I think they are a really fun rock band, and the way they get their fans lathered into a frenzy makes for an exhilarating concert, but I guess it's just not my thing. Still, even I was getting really nervous as they took the stage on Saturday evening and the clouds were moving in. It would be too sad if their set was rained out again, leaving the fans wet and hungry for their music. They made it through a great, high-energy batch of songs and came to the encore as the sky was getting darker and more ominous. The lead singer shouted, "Get out your umbrellas, cause we're gonna play another song!" As they rocked out "Trans-Slambovian Bi-Polar Express" a parade of umbrellas formed all rainbow and flowered and polka-dotted, spinning and bouncing and snaking through the crowd. I had to join in. And it didn't rain one drop.

Here's a video of them playing the song a couple nights earlier in the dance tent:

OK. I've written too much already. But I also got dizzy spinning in a contra-dance while Blue Moose and The Unbuttoned Zippers played. And don't miss Dressing Room Tour, Part 3 with special guest Randall Williams, OK. That's enough. It was so fun! Can't wait for my next festival.... Move the Muse in Brockton Mass August 22!

Summer Hibernation?

2009-07-02T13:26:00.000-07:00

Many musicians tour all summer and stay home in the winter writing and recording and storing up energy for the next busy Summer, but Summer is when I want to be home. When my garden is growing and producing flowers and food. When I want to cook dinner on the grill and have friends over for the evening or the weekend. When the sun comes up early and stays up til 9pm, so I don't mind sitting in my bright office working at 8am with coffee or 6pm with a Mojito. Summer is when the Berkshires are full of activity and people and events, so I can pedal my bike to the Guthrie Center and hear some folk music or take a picnic to Jacob's Pillow for a dance performance. This is when I get inspired to sit on the porch and practice my banjo or open all the windows and play beginner piano for all the neighborhood to hear. Summer is when I want to spread out an old blanket on the grass (well, clover) in the backyard and read a book. And if I fall asleep and don't wake up until Mr. Ding-a-ling comes by with his truck full of frozen treats, not to worry. That's what summer is for. Any given week in July, 20% of the country on is vacation anyway, so you usually get a break if you don't respond to email right away.

When I complain about winter, the dark, the cold, the stillness, most people tell me to embrace it. They say I should take the opportunity to rest, plan for the warm seasons, write music, read, take up skiing, knit, sleep. And that does sound really nice. I like all those things. But there is something chemical that happens to me, to lots of people, and it just feels sad to stay home. And I start to get a little crazy. I want to go the bed early, like at 7pm. And if I'm not in bed then, I might be whining and crying and generally freaking out. And most of the world is still out there working, so it doesn't really do to completely shut down for 4 months.

Years ago, when I was waiting tables in Maine, I learned that if I kept busy during those early evening hours, life was a lot better. I'd go to work around 4, just as the sun was setting and run around serving mussels and pinot noir until about 10. Before I had a chance to look up, I'd made it through the difficult part of the day and it actually was time to go to bed.

It's really unusual for me to have a whole month of no shows, but I'm right in the middle of that. It is kind of unsettling, I tend to forget who I am and what I do when I'm not performing for so long, but I am enjoying a gorgeous summer. And more importantly, I have the time to completely fill up my Fall and Winter calendar. I want as few off nights as possible in those cold dark months. I want to take trips to Florida, Texas and California and thumb my nose at Winter.

Seasons are nice. I like natural rhythms and all that. It's been such fun watching my garden grow and change, but I just can't do the winter hibernation thing. I'm a disaster in the dark and cold. I've got to keep moving, keep myself under those artificial stage lights, and trick my body into thinking it's the growing season. And then if I need to rest, I'll invest in a hammock for next summer.

Off to search for a list of winter festivals in the South.... I think I'll just do that with a Push-Up.

2009-06-09T07:38:00.000-07:00

Northwestern Adventures

2009-06-01T07:57:00.000-07:00

Just a quick list of random things I noticed when I was in Oregon and Washington last month:

Starbucks on every corner in Seattle, I think I get why you need to drink so much coffee in that gloomy weather.

I found myself driving down Sleater-Kinney Street.

In Bellingham, I got to see the sun set over the water for the first time. Ever.

Old Town Cafe in Bellingham where you can sing for your supper and they judge you if you order bacon. I went for breakfast which is way to early to sing. Of course I had to order the bacon. It was burned.

Powell's books is overwhelming, but really inspiring, too.

Stunning coast in Oregon and surfers there are fun and nerve-wracking to watch.

I ate lots of seafood, especially loved my baked salmon sandwich from a little counter lunch spot near the Pike Place market. Think it was called Three Sisters Bakery. I also ate Morels and Fiddleheads. And drank lots of coffee.

I saw Elk and I think I saw an Eagle. I know I saw a sign on a rural gas station that said: "Espresso and Hot Dogs."

Started out cynical, but admitted that it really is an awesome area. But that still doesn't give people from there the right to be smug.

Reasons last Friday was awesome

2009-04-24T10:21:00.001-07:00

1. I had prepped Sticky Bun dough the day before and then cooked them Friday morning and they were perfect and delicious and sticky sweet. Alison took a big tray to work to share.
2. It was the best weather the Berkshires have seen in 2009. Sunny and up to 68 degrees.
3. I met a super cutie little 2 year old boy that I'm going to babysit every now and then. He really liked me, too. It's such an ego boost when kids like you, cause they are generally not polite when they don't.
4. Bought gas for $1.27. Hello! Our grocery store has an unfortuneate name, Price Chopper. But if you sign up for their big brother savings program where they study everything you buy, you get gas discounts. Ours was up to $0.80 a gallon and I cashed it in! It's disturbing how good it feels to hear the pump click off at only $18.00.
5. I visited Great Barrington's music instrument store for a couple new harmonicas, the local record store, Tune Street, to set up selling my CDs there, and the Berkshire Community Radio station to drop off CDs for airplay. Started to feel a bit more connected to the local music scene.
5b. Visited the mix and match licorice counter at Robin's candy store. Most of the exotic ones were awesome, but I don't know about that salty stuff. Still really fun to try them.
6. Got a check in the mail.
7. Got a bunch of email from Alison's co-workers about how awesome my sticky buns were.
8. I played a show at The Dream Away Lodge. It is such a special kind of secret hidden restaurant with this cozy music room full of squishy couches and foot stools. All the dishes and furniture are vintage and mis-matched, kind of like eating in a very clean antique shop, but a quirky cool one like Uncommon Objects, not fussy. The food and cocktails are amazing and you drive forever on these back roads until you think you are lost and you almost turn around, then you are there and there is a party going on. I love it. The only way it could be improved is with BBQ.
9. I went to a party full of New England hipsters where the music was Brad Paisley and Dixie Chicks and Sugarland and Keith Urban. I don't think most people noticed, but I loved it.
10. At the party, people described to me in full detail how obsessed they were with my sticky buns.

I think we can see the theme here. My new mantra: put down the Facebook, pick up the cookbook. Sticky buns are the secret of life.

Pic from Philly

2009-04-17T04:58:00.001-07:00

I had a great overnight in Philadelphia last weekend. I loved walking around downtown and seeing all I the amazing murals. Art that pops out of your everyday setting and surprises you is my favorite. Why do we keep it all in museums and theaters? Site specific is the wave of the future!

2009-04-17T04:53:00.001-07:00

Wowzers! I'm blogging from my phone now!

Home again

2009-04-05T09:31:00.000-07:00

I made it home! It was a really great trip. And I really needed it.

At the beginning of the trip, folks would ask me how life is in Massachusetts and I would almost burst into tears as I admitted that it had been a really hard month. And then when I got to Austin and it was so warm and vibrant and cool stuff was happening everywhere and I had friends to see every night, I thought I might not actually never go back. But by the end of the trip I heard my language change, it was a little more positive and hopeful. When I talked about the Berkshires I would say, "Spring is coming" or "I still need to find my favorite coffeeshop." I distinctly remember the morning I woke up and thought, "I want to go home." It felt like such a relief. I always knew that I would go, now it wouldn't be kicking and screaming.

I saw so many friends and family members on this trip. Actually, I kind of overdosed on socializing. I used up every minute I had to see everyone I wanted to, sometimes having three or four social engagements a day. I'm not really that popular, it was really more like bingeing on your favorite food before going to have gastric bypass surgery. It seemed like now or never. But that is actually one of my favorite parts of this job, it's easy for me to visit everyone. Maybe if I could afford to stay in a nice hotel every night, I wouldn't see as much of the inside of my friends' guest rooms, but we'd still have drinks after the show or get breakfast the next day. (That reminds me, I nee to Yelp about the cinnamon toast at Patachou!)

So now I'm home, all happy and unpacked, but there is a new problem. Now I only want to do homey things, especially gardening. I got a blister from raking yesterday and every time I sit down at the computer to do some booking or publicity, I end up searching for heirloom tomato seeds or compost pile design or even new knitting patterns. I want to hang pictures and dust and vacuum and refinish this vintage sewing table and faded wing chair. I want to bake muffins and read books and watch movies. The thing is, if I don't book some shows, I really won't be going anywhere.

I'm guessing this is just a swing of the pendulum and I'll find my center again soon. But this summer, I'll be centered with a garden full of tomatoes. Maybe all my friends and family should come visit ME!

Lucky Friday the 13th

2009-03-15T16:50:00.000-07:00

My trip to Nashville wound down last Thursay with a great songwriting session with Eamon McLoughlin and then listening to inspiring sets by Sarah Siskind and Will Kimbrough at 3rd and Lindsley. Whew! That was a typical day, very busy and productive and creative and fun. I was just absorbing music all night and then spitting it out all day. Awesome.

I headed out of town toward Georgia without really looking at the map, but I found the venue and got there right on time after a gorgeous windy mountain drive to the Crimson Moon in Dahlonega. Maybe it was the beer I drank on an empty stomach, or the sleepy vacation vibe of that old gold-mine town, but I was in a great mood. The show was an in-the-round with Reed Waddell, who reminded me of Jason Mraz, and David Berkeley who is a little Nick Drake-esque. They were both excellent songwriters and performers and though our styles were very different, the audience really responded enthusiastically to every song and I just loved being on stage with them. We all chatted at the bar and talked about life and it was just really nice to carry over that friendly, we’re-all-in-this-together feeling from my time in Nashville. Here is a pic of all of our matching tuners daisy chained together on one power cord. Awwww, how sweet!

I have been laying low in Atlanta for the past two days. I really needed some alone, quiet, sober time to recharge from Nashville and get ready to dive into SXSW. Here we go again! My schedule is here.

Nashville Days

2009-03-09T10:01:00.000-07:00

Being in Nashville for two weeks is awesome. I think two weeks is really a great amount of time for a visit to a city, to really get beyond the obvious tourist destinations. The first week you are getting settled, learning your way around, meeting people, getting a feel for the atmospheres of differnt neighborhoods. I've been to Music City at least 10 times, so luckily I know my way around already and have a good handful of awesome friends here, so I don't have to do all that initial exploring anymore.

Also, the weather has been so gorgeous. It's sunny and warm and flowers are blooming and buds are popping and people are out walking and dining al fresco. In Austin, Spring is great, really my favorite time of year, but it doesn't have that sense of relief and exuberance that you get in a place where there has been a real winter. I'm sending warm thoughts to the Berkshires and soaking it all up before I go back to a potentially cold April.

Back to the two week plan. You need week 1 to run into people and then you make plans for week 2. You need a week to establish a pattern. To become a regular at the corner coffee shop, and then a week 2 to maybe hang out with those coffee shop folks outside of the cafe. You read the paper and see listings for shows happening next week, and yay! you'll still be here, so you can go. You've got two chances to fit in that great band that plays every Wednesday at that great bar where you'll know people who will introduce you to more people who will become your Facebook friends and make plans to see you next time you are in town. You find a couple of good running spots. You get to go back to that restaurant where you couldn't decide what to order, and order the other thing. This is how you stay in a city for two weeks.

I think I'm getting some work done. Probably not as much as I should. Damn these blue skies and sweet friends and fun clubs.

Last Days as a Texan/ Massachusetts for better or worse

2009-02-19T14:57:00.000-08:00

My last night in Texas was really bittersweet. A bunch of friends met up at Polvo's and I gorged myself on Mexican food and margaritas. Then we headed over to the legendary Donn's Depot where my producer Chris Gage holds down the piano on Mondays. I sang a few with him and said goodbye to too many of my favorite people. The only reason I'm even letting myself think about it now is because I'm going to Austin 3 weeks. Yay!

Winker took these pictures that night.

I can't help comparing the two places, even though there really is no need. I mean, can't each state be good in it's own way? Can't I have a happy life in two states? Actually, I've always wanted like 5 houses. But right now, I have one, and it's in the Berkshires.

And here how it is Better:
*Mass Turnpike beats I-35. Hands down, no contest. I'll take trees over billboards any day.

*I can walk to the Post Office. And it's so cute! And there's never more than one other person in line.

*My home office has 4 big windows, so I can watch the snow covering the street.

*No social life = cooking at home. I love cooking, it's cheap and healthy!

*Fresh Air at 7pm instead of The World. Sorry Marco Worman.

*I get to run around here, the awesome cemetery. It's not Town Lake, but I don't have to drive to get there, just walk out the door.

And here's how it is Worse:
*No breakfast tacos.

*No Shiner Bock.

*No two-stepping.

*Aforementioned no social life.

*Dry skin.

*Seemingly all day call-in shows on public radio. (One day they actually had people call in to talk about the weather. And then they ask for money??!!)

*The music "scene" has yet to reveal itself. (Actually some people laughed at me when I said I was excited to get to know the local scene!)

But many of these problems have solutions. (Knitting club. Lotion. KUT iPhone App. Drive to Northampton.) So I'm not too worried yet. And the thing that is the same and totally awesome is that I still get to drive around and play music and visit all my favorite places. Now Austin is on my visit list. But I'm gonna make it a long one this time.

My 25 Things

2009-01-28T18:57:00.001-08:00

I love this game that's going around Facebook. We get to learn little secrets about all our friends. I was surprised at how confessional I got. So here are 25 random things about me...

1. I get distracted really easily. Especially on the computer when I have half a dozen windows open, like now. So it will probably take me all day to write this, bit by bit.

2. Sometimes I'm scared that I don't have very discerning taste, because it seems like there is hardly anything I don't like. I like Cracker Barrel and Taylor Swift and J.Crew. Very "least common denominator."

3. I like high-techie things, and also old-fashioned things. I love to Twitter on my iPhone and write letters and send them through the mail.

4. I love stamps and put lots of them on my packages.

5. I love collections of things, but only when they are neatly displayed or used. My apron collection is starting to stress me out in the drawer.

6. Sometimes the last thing I want to do is go hear live music.

7. It is hard for me to ask for help or admit when things aren't going well.

8. I put a lot of commas in places where they shouldn't go. And I have to really resist the urge to overuse parentheses.

9. I'm not really scared of guns, but knives really creep me out. Sometimes I see a kitchen knife in the dish drainer with the blade sticking up and I instinctively clutch my wrists to my body.

10. I don't like to pick favorites. Or make decisions.

11. I miss the South.

12. I learned to play guitar only so I could join a band, but got sidetracked with a solo career.

13. I think Austin has the best food: Mexican, BBQ, Southern Home Cookin', and hippie healthy stuff.

14. I like self-help books and the possibility of improving.

15. I was vegetarian for 10 years. Now I eat all kinds of meat and never want to give it up again.

16. I wish I could be a photographer or a letterpress printer.

17. I never use shampoo.

18. I love learning small, intimate things about people.

19. I get really scared when I drive in rain or snow and I can't see the road.

20. I unconsciously furrow my brow all the time. Even in one of my first baby pictures.

21. Now that I live in a cold, small town I think I might have a drink every night.

22. I love rock anthems. And country anthems. And folk anthems. Turn it up and sing along!

23. I'm really trying to floss my teeth every night.

24. My friends and I had a knitting club in high school. Waaaaaay before it was so popular.

25. I often don't finish what I start. But not this time!

What is home?

2009-01-08T08:07:00.001-08:00

I don't want to lose my Texas self. Already I feel the Northeast creeping in to my psyche. I'm telling myself it's not so cold at 40 degrees. I'm looking forward to snow. I'm thinking puffy coats are kind of cute and tall trees that I once complained blocked the sky are nice and shady. Fireplaces are cozy and hardwood and tall ceilings are a good substitute for concrete floors and open kitchens. Creative vegetarian food everywhere is worth giving up easy access to the best pork ribs I've ever tasted. Wait, I'm not there yet. In fact, I want to go to Luling right now! I know I have to do this to survive and be happy, but it's sad and confusing for my identity.

All these past 6 1/2 years, I've been learning to be a Texan, to use frontage roads, to know good BBQ and to automatically say "Y'all." I think the desert and scruffy juniper are beautiful, and I adore Live Oak trees, with their 200 year old sprawling limbs that stay green all winter. I've lived in Texas more than anywhere else, and I was just starting to feel like I had a home state, not just because of the years spent here, but because I wanted to be here and it made sense with who I am. If I live in Massachusetts, what does that mean? Does it mean I've abandoned my home? Does that mean something else is more important to me than place? That a person, a relationship, a job opportunity actually means more to me than the city or state or region I live in? I guess so, and that is pretty cool, but humbling, too. Because I admit that I have judged people before - country singers from Brooklyn- I've never believed them. Even though their lives may have been more full of rural life and tradition than mine, I have felt that because I lived in Texas, I was a more authentic artist. Who cares if I live in Austin, the fastest-growing, most educated, youngest, transient, artsy, latte-drinking, Prius-driving city in Texas, we still know how to Two-Step, even in the gay bars. Do I lose my legitimacy when I leave, or just my self-righteousness? And is that such a bad thing?

What scared me the most is that I'll lose the ability to call myself a Texan. Even though I've had to qualify it (I was born in Alabama), I realize it has felt good to have an answer when people ask me where I'm from. Even with all the explanations (We moved a lot, my Mom lives in Ohio...), when I said I was from Texas, it was really starting to feel true, emotionally at least. I'm from these big skies and long wide roads. I'm from these friendly people who brand everything with stars and add hot peppers to their cooking and turn on the air conditioning in December. I drink Shiner Bock beer and margaritas, because that's what we drink. We. Us Texans. Will I get to say that anymore? Will I feel that? Will Texas just recede in my identity and be just another place I've lived? Will I start to feel like a Massachusettsian (what are they called?) or a New Englander? or just rootless?

All this capitulating to the cold has reminded me of how adaptable I am. I pick up accents and colloquialisms everywhere I go. I'm open to new foods and have a great sense of direction. Lately, I've been taking comfort in my ability to adapt to new situations, fit in and change. It might be an even bigger part of my identity that my Texan-ness. I enjoy and crave going to new places, and for a while I even took pride in that. It felt cool to say that I'm from all over, I don't need a home. But in Austin, with all these friends, I made one anyway, almost without trying. And maybe I can adapt to a new place and make new friends and learn to love it, but will I make a home again?

It's always been pretty easy for me to move, and I had chalked that up to my adventurous spirit, but I've never really left a home. I've left places I knew I couldn't stay (college) and places I knew I didn't fit in (Portland). Now I'm up to a real challenge.

Massachusetts, please take it easy on me. Just give me a mild February, and I'll compost and honk my horn and eat chowder and even try snow-shoeing.

Austin, leave the light on.

The Moving Announcement

2009-01-06T14:52:00.000-08:00

So, I debated about going public with this information. I thought maybe I'd tell my close personal friends and family, but not my mailing list, and I would not send out a press release. But I'm really no good at keeping secrets, especially when this is such a huge part of my life, something I think about all day, Twitter about, and will probably end up writing a song or two about.

And the news is: I'm moving to New England. More specifically, to a tiny town in the Berkshires in Western Massachusetts. The reason is because my brilliant girlfriend (of almost 10 years) got a great job in development at Jacob's Pillow, or as she calls it "The Mecca of Modern Dance." She has such a passion for dancing, watching dance, and bringing dance to a wider audience, so this is the perfect fit for her. And the truth is that I can do my job form just about anywhere, so I'm going North too. And it's really hard to say goodbye to Austin. I love it here, I have so many friends and endless inspiration. But wasn't I the one who wrote the song(s) about leaving? About all the possibility of the unknown, the new friends I just haven't met yet? Kind of cool that my own words can buoy me up in a hard time.

Also, I'm going to keep traveling and playing music, like I always have, so I'll see Austin often. With the internet, status updates, skype and all the other whizbang programs, I can keep daily tabs on all my friends, and live in an international community like Angelina and Brad. Can someone just please get on that whole teleportation thing already so we don't have to deal with fossil fuels!?

So that's the big news. I don't expect to write a whole 'nother album about moving, but if you see me Twittering about wardrobe boxes, you'll know why. Can't wait to see you New Englanders more often and love you Texas more intensely when I'm back!

Throw away post

2008-12-09T11:58:00.000-08:00

When I write several long, thoughtful blog posts in a row, I start putting all this pressure on myself to make every post long and thoughtful and profound and totally original. Then I never write. I've learned that as I songwriter, I sometimes have to push through a couple of bad songs, just to get the juices flowing, before I can write a good one. So this is my meaningless, short, boring post. There might be another on the way. Sorry folks, just gotta get them out of my system.

Stretching Myself

2008-11-07T16:14:00.000-08:00

Over the past couple of weeks I've been busy, but still I found time to dust off a few skills from my younger days. And whew, was I ever rusty! I think it's good for the brain, though, to be stretched in new directions.And after learning that I'm more of an experimental artist, I know I'm drawn to trying new things. I'm sure these experiences will show up in my work somehow over the next few months.

When I was a little girl, I loved dancing. I choreographed a dance to "Material Girl" by Madonna for the 2nd grade talent show, and had my first pair of fishnet stockings at age 6, for a bordello inspired tap number. When I heard that Alamo Drafthouse and The Rude Mechanicals and some other Austin Groups were going to attempt to break the Guinness World Record for most people simultaneously dancing the dance from Michael Jackson's Thriller, I had to join. This required several hours of learning and practicing the whole dance. This woman named Ines has organized the worldwide effort and makes it super easy in her teaching videos with words to chant along with the steps.

The day of the world record event, it was more inspiring and uplifting than I could have imagined. I was really impressed with the people of all different ages and abilities who participated. Everyone was really dedicated; we wanted to get the steps right and to act like scary zombies. People went all out with their costumes and the logistics ran like clockwork. At the end of the dance, I had tears in my eyes as I was slapping high fives with strangers covered in fake blood. There are tons of videos on YouTube, but here's one where you can see me doing the dance. I'm wearing the red dress. I mean this blog is all about me.

I also used to play Tuba in the marching band, and have since been a little sad when I've seen parades in Austin going by without a bass instrument in the brass band. So when I was given a baritone (Thanks, Jamie!), I decided to join the rag-tag street band in Austin that plays in whatever parade or protest they are invited to. I was really intimidated by this. I didn't have much time to practice and get my embouchure in shape, and there was no rehearsal and just a suggestion of what songs might be played. I haven't played a brass instrument in 15 years, so I was scrambling to remember fingerings and work out my parts. It was a good wake up call, reminding me of how much music theory I have forgotten, and just rarely use when I'm playing my own songs all the time. The Day of the Dead parade day came and 8 of us showed up to play, plus one twirler. Everyone was very nice and forgiving of my flubs, and it was actually fun to play and I felt like I added something to the overall sound. It wasn't the Tuba, but I'm glad I made a baby step toward the goal. Here's a video of the band, I'm playing baritone, so listen close for the oomp-pahs, one octave higher than they should be.

So look out for a hot dance video or maybe a solo baritone track on my next CD!

Am I A Late Bloomer?

2008-10-24T07:25:00.000-07:00

I know it's been a while since I've blogged. I just didn't have any great ideas to write about, and I don't want to subject you to reading something boring like "I had a great show, I drove a hundred miles, I got up early and went running." (Oops, I just did. But with irony!) So then I thought I could come up with something interesting to say about my constant procrastination. But I think I just might have covered that topic before. I know I think about it almost every day.

Then yesterday I read Malcolm Gladwell's recent article in the New Yorker. Hear him talk about it here. It's all about "Late Bloomers," or artists who come into their genius later in life, and it raises some pretty interesting issues for the way we structure our creative lives, and how artists interact with the marketplace. Drawing heavily from the book "Old Masters and Young Geniuses" by David Galenson (which is now on my reading list), he describes an alternative to the artistic archetype of the Prodigy or inherently talented youngster which many of us have come to believe is the true genius. The Late Bloomer is more of an experimental artist, taking years to practice, research, try different techniques, hone her skills and ultimately find her voice. Late Bloomers produce works of art every bit as intriguing and important as Prodigies, but much later in life. Cezanne and Ben Fountain are the examples he chooses to illustrate this point.

Inspiring, right? Maybe we all have potential to be great artists when we retire! Maybe we shouldn't write off arts education for our kids just because they don't seem to be talented by 5th grade.

The problem is that these days, we expect that good art will be supported by the marketplace. Lots of people who dream of being a singer or painter give themselves 5 or 10 years to "make it," then move on to a 8-5 job. And who can blame them? It's hard to be poor for years and years, especially if you have no guarantee that your art will ever be well received. Especially if you are a perfectionist who is rarely satisfied with your creative output. And is it really an option to have a full time job and practice art on the side? Will there be enough time to follow every thread of inspiration, repeat every exercise enough times to make it just right? Gladwell suggests that many Late Bloomers are blessed with Patrons, be they parents or spouses who pay the bills so that the artist can work. But those are very special circumstances indeed, and certainly open to abuse. The common call lately seems to be "Cut those free-loading 20-somethings off!"

I you haven't guessed yet, I feel like a Late Bloomer. My self-critical side wonders if I'm just glomming on to the idea to justify my minimal success, and make myself feel better about getting older. How do I know that I will actually ever "bloom" someday? But I relate to the characterization on more fundamental points, too. I can be quite a perfectionist, feeling very unsatisfied with my songs and editing or re-writing them over and over. But I also really enjoy the creative process, the research part, winding down different alleyways of ideas, gathering resources and inspiration around me. Some days the observing and noticing and learning is more satisfying than having a finished song to sing. Take Galenson's quiz to see which you are.

Having realized this, what do I do? Look for a patron? Re-adjust my expectations? Push myself harder or back off? Am I OK with waiting for my success? Is my family? Is the youth-obsessed music industry? I hope this article sparks more discussion about different types and timelines for creative expression, we sure need some kind of a change.

So maybe I'm not really procrastinating. I'm just researching....

Caught up in the crisis

2008-10-01T16:49:00.000-07:00

I just ate cold pizza from the fridge. So, it was homemade, whole wheat crust, and covered with fresh veggies. It was still leftover and cold, and that's not a good sign. Then I ate stale, florescent, sour gummy worms. It's that bad. I've been running around on the verge of puking, checking my bank balance and my mailbox several times a day. When are those checks coming? When are my bills due? Did my bank collapse? I need to turn off Marketplace and do some yoga. I think we all should.

And then I saw a bumper sticker that read, "Business is good. People are terrific. Life is wonderful." OK. Right. Stress isn't really helping anything. I'm gonna put on my Deepak Chopra tape and try to appreciate all the things that aren't going wrong right now. And book a few more babysitting jobs. Then drink a margarita and go dancing like crazy at my friend's birthday party tonight.

Anybody else have a good idea about how to chill out?

My Gendered America(na)

2008-09-24T07:12:00.000-07:00

If 1992 was "The Year of the Woman" in politics, I think 2008 is "The Year of Women's Issues." With Hillary making a run for it, and now Sarah Palin on the Republican ticket, the country is thinking about women's roles and abilities more than it has in a long time. So it's no surprise that my feminist senses were heightened last week, while I was attending the Americana Music Association Conference and Festival in Nashville.

I don't have exact numbers, but I love to estimate, so I'm making a guess about these demographics. On the list of showcasing artists (a somewhat misleading term, since 100% of the acts I saw were full bands), I counted about 1/3 of them to include women. That doesn't sound too bad until you take into account that most of those bands have 1, or maybe 2 women in them, and 3-5 men. Which ends up meaning that women were only about 8% of the artists at the festival. Now I'm really wishing I did have more hard data. My impression is that most of these women were singers, songwriters, rhythm guitar players, fiddlers, and a couple of them played bass, lead guitar, or ukelele. I didn't see any women on drums.

At the Award Show, there were 24 nominations, 4 of them for acts that include women, (16.6%), and of the 14 awards given out that night (8 of which were Lifetime Achievement Awards), 4 went to women (28.5 %). Over the 7 year history of the Americana Awards, women have won 23% of the awards, and never has a woman won "Song of the Year," "Instrumentalist of the Year" or Lifetime Achievement Awards for Songwriter or Instrumentalist. I'm not trying to place blame on anyone in particular for this, the nominations and winners are voted on by the membership. I'm just noticing a trend. And after a while, it starts to look like a glass ceiling (or would it be a wooden ceiling?). I mean, don't Alison Krauss (as an instrumentalist), Cindy Cashdollar or Lucinda Williams seem like obvious choices?

So who is the membership? I checked out the latest list of members and went through assigning a sex to each person. I know this is unfair, and that people should be able to label themselves and I probably counted a few too many Chrises as women and Randys as men, but the membership is around 34% women. Each sector is different, but there are wide disparities in Production (22% women) and Radio/TV (21% women). Women outnumber men in 2 categories; Publicity (75%) and Booking (59%). The artists are 32% women, which doesn't really match with the showcasing numbers I mentioned earlier. This could be because either the showcasing artists are not drawn from the membership, or because every member of a band isn't necessarily a member of the AMA. I think it's a little of both.

There we some fashion trends for the ladies, too. In general they were very feminine, just hinting at country, with the curve-hugging lace dress being a popular choice. Pheobe Hunt from the Belleville Outfit, Jill Andrews of the Everybodyfields, and Allison Moorer were all stunning in theirs. In fact, after Allison came on stage with the balding and bearded Steve Earle to sing a duet (I love the guy, but we're talking fashion here), I started to feel uncomfortable about the way the chips were falling; very few women on the stage, and more and more of them looking like super-models. The award show even had a couple of model types in skimpy outfits handing the awards to the winners. Who were they? One friend commented that the statue girls looked more like the ones you see announcing the next round at a professional wrestling match than at an awards show. Is this the alternative to the mainstream commercial country industry? It seems like the double standard is actually worse in Americana, because at least in commercial country the men feel strong pressure to look good, too.

Once I started thinking about this, artists like Greta Gaines in her slightly ironic, peach 80's blouse and fedora, and Those Darlins and Blair with their intentionally messy hair and sloppy make-up were a breath of fresh air. The thing is, I do believe all these women - the polished and the punky - are sincerely presenting themselves. I like to dress up and look pretty for my shows, so I'm not judging that choice. I'm just starting to wonder if somewhere deep down or maybe even not so deep, I feel like I have to. Do I feel, however consciously, that what I do musically isn't good enough, so I have to make up for it visually? And how much of that is valid? (I could be a better singer and guitar player.) And how much of that is just the simple truth that the industry and lots of audiences value smoking guitar licks over engaging lyrics or a clear voice? And then, is that preference gendered? Or sexist? You see how a gal can spin herself into a cycle of doubt.

So does this issue need to be addressed? Should we change the gender demographics of the AMA and the music industry in general? And if so, how? It seems since the fade out of Lillith Fair, most women musicians have dealt with it on their own. We just try to be true to our own musical vision and personal style, find industry partners that respect us, and find fans that appreciate what we offer. We believe that good music will find an audience, no matter who makes it. But still lots of us try hard to avoid being labeled "women's music" or fear that gaining a large lesbian following will turn off other fans. Our music is called "soft" and we're introduced as "easy on the eyes" and called "sweetie" by men who can't play as well as we can. We take time off from our careers to raise kids, while musical dads keep on touring. We sometimes talk about these things together, but don't want to be overheard because we might be considered whiners by those men who control the media or venues we depend on for exposure.

So maybe this year, while we're all thinking about women juggling kids and the Vice-Presidency and pantsuits, we should have a conversation about the state of women in the music industry. Is there more we should be doing together to make it more representative of the creativity that's out there? I'm off to practice guitar, volunteer for Girls Rock Camp and and I'm looking forward to your comments and thoughts on this topic.

By the way, I actually had a great time a the conference, was superbly entertained and inspired, and mets tons of friendly and generous people. I just never stop thinking. :)

Try this at home

2008-09-10T14:25:00.000-07:00

I had such a great time playing with the band last night at my official Austin CD release party. So many friendly faces, new and familiar. Such great sound and service from the Cactus Cafe. And the "Song-Inspired Cocktails" were a big hit. If you couldn't be there, mix up "The Easy Way" or one of my other concoctions, put on the CD and pretend...

Art vs. Entertainment vs. Politics

2008-09-03T14:55:00.000-07:00

If you read my previous post, you know I was pretty high last week about Obama's nomination. Aside from the political aspect, it was a huge cultural event, even bigger than Ferraro, I'd say, because millions of people voted for him. So, in the spirit of the evening, at my performance, I decided to introduce my song "Sorry" this way.

"It's been an exciting election year and I'm really hoping Barack Obama doesn't break my heart. (A few cheers) Here's a song I wrote for all the politicians who have broken my heart." And played my song.

When I was counting up my tips at the end of the night, I found this in the jar.

If you can't read the small print, it says. "Keep your polotics out of your act. It cost you Tonight."

At first I felt shocked and kind of vulnerable. Someone didn't like what I did, and didn't pay me because of it. I got Dixie Chicked! But then I really started to think about what they were trying to say, what they saw, and what I'm trying to do with my "act." Did it really cost me all that much?

I think this gets to the heart of the old Art vs. Entertainment argument. If it's a certain musical performance, what's the main reason for it to exist? I think that Entertainment is primarily focused on making money. To do that, you try to make people happy and give them what they want. Of course, there can be amazing artistry in entertainment. Entertainers can take risks and push boundaries and have precise technical skill. But If people stop buying tickets, the act changes.

Pure Art, at the other end of the spectrum, doesn't care what the audience thinks. An artist has something to say that must be said whether it is popular or not. An artist doesn't create or perform for the money, but because she just has to express her vision. Maybe it's fun or popular, but if it stops attracting an audience, it keeps being made, maybe in obscurity.

I think most musicians find themselves somewhere in the middle of the two. We write songs, but join a cover band to pay the bills, or take gigs in restaurants, like I did that night. I want to express my own truth, but I also want to be liked, and to fit in, so I'm always picking which songs seem suited to each crowd and situation. And sometimes my whole mission with a song or a show is to make people feel good and have fun, just because.

But maybe I was trying too hard to please. Because Mr. Dollar Bill thought I was an entertainer. He thought that his withholding the other $4 he would have tipped me was enough to make me change my "act." Maybe he was just giving some friendly advice or maybe he wanted to assert some power, but either way, it didn't work. I'm so willing to pay that $4 or $19 or however much being myself has cost me over the years. I want to decide where I fall on the spectrum between art and entertainment. And no audience member, no threat, no amount of money is worth giving up my power to choose how I want to express myself.

And one more thing on politics and music. They go together, whether you know it or like it or not. But what I have loved about Nashville, is that while it can be a passionate and divided political landscape (read Chris Willman's Rednecks and Bluenecks), a good song trumps all political differences. When a song has the potential to touch people and make a lot of money, nobody cares which candidate the writer voted for, which is probably different from the one the artist voted for. That song has to get out. And so many of those songs are about universal feelings and situations. Which is probably why Brooks and Dunn performed at the 2004 Republican Convention, while their song "Only In America" played after Obama's acceptance speech. It's an idea bigger than either party.

I want to keep making art and entertaining people and I know that some of my songs will be more successful than others. I also want to keep listening to music by all sorts of people and finding truth in it. I think that's where I find common ground with people who are different from me. Mr. Dollar Bill, did you really not want to know me at all? Did you really just want to eat dinner and hear music that didn't open your world in any way? Did I really have nothing to offer? I hope you were just having a bad night.

Black Men On My Mind

2008-08-28T11:46:00.000-07:00

I've been driving through the South and listening to the audiobook I picked up at the library, Black Boy by Richard Wright. It's really good so far, emotional, vivid, making me cringe and cry and scream in frustration as I'm driving. The section I'm listening to is in the 1910's and Richard is growing up and learning about race relations, the KKK, the dangers of standing up for himself to whites. There is a pervasive attitude of "keep your head down" that frustrates, and scares, and confuses him as a boy. And it seems hopeless that anything will ever change.

Then, I missed my exit in Atlanta and to get back to I-85, I had to drive right through Sweet Auburn and the Martin Luther King, Jr, Center and National Monument. No time to stop today, but I thought back to last summer when I spent a day looking at the exhibits and wandering the street King grew up on. It was so moving to be there and learn more about this life and the struggle for Civil Rights. Even more emotional for me, was how many people were there. People of all colors, all ages, single people wandering slowly, families explaining things to the kids, and family reunions with matching t-shirts. I was glad to end up there by chance today, on the 45th Anniversary of his "I Have a Dream Speech." Go back and watch it, it's so amazing. To have so much hope and determination in the face of such adversity.

And tonight Barack Obama will accept the Democratic Party's nomination for President. I have to admit, was getting a little cynical about his campaign. All the happy music and pageantry at the convention is so predictable. I was scoffing at the melodramatic headlines on CNN, "Obama Makes History!" The softball questions they were throwing at conventioneers about what today means to them. But damn, this is huge. This IS historic. And the best part is that Obama is totally worth all the praise and attention and celebration. I can't wait for him to be president and make good things happen, inspire us to serve, and help the rest of the world see how good our country can be.

Sure, the campaign still has to wage on, there will be compromises and disappointments. Yes, there is still a LOT of work to do to improve racial and ethnic relations all over the world, but I don't want to think about that today. I just want to let Richard and Martin and Barak spin around in my brain and feel hopeful for a little while. I want to recognize that this country has taken a huge step toward realizing the ideals our democracy is based on. And now we have even more reason to believe that we can make it all the way.

Austin's pleasures

2008-08-17T13:59:00.000-07:00

I've been enjoying my home time. Really trying to write songs and be productive all day long. But there is laundry and Olympics and toenails to be painted... The artist's brain really does need some rest. And external inspiration. Here are some of my recent activities and fascinations.

Morning laps at Barton Springs. OK, so I'm caught up in the Michael Phelps riptide, but really swimming is awesome. I've been inconsistently free-stying it at the 68 degree pool in the mornings since I moved to town, but I had an extra kick in my stroke this week after watching the Olympics. Plus, I got new goggles, so I don't have red rings around my eyes for hours after my workout. I always felt that the coffee shop people were worried that I had been punched in the face.

Bruce Robison at Sholtz's Beer Garden just feels so Texas. A hot night under Oak trees and bare light bulbs strung up. We all sing along to Wrapped and people dance to EVERY song, and kids are running around or falling asleep on laps. I'm really looking forward to the new CD from Bruce coming next month!

I'm indulging a mild French fetish this month. I started taking an awesome beginning "Gay Ballet" class. It's for queer people, or just those who will admit that ballet is really gay. :) It's super fun and we wear crazy socks and laugh a lot actually really work on our technique, which is a very good butt workout. Also, I read French Women Don't Get Fat, which is full of generalizations and offensive stereotypes, but does paint a picture of a lovely way to eat, whether it's true or not. After a summer full of road food, I think I needed a little reminder about the importance of cooking and enjoying the flavors of fresh food. And wine. And chocolate. Mmmm. I've even been inspired to try to make my own yogurt. We'll see...

I love my little balcony. It's actually been cool enough to eat an early breakfast or late dinner outside, but I have to look at all my poor parched plants. I need a trip to Happiness, an awesome, arty, junky plant store, to get some succulents for my empty pots. And Whole Foods has locally grown herbs in pots 2/$5. A little gardening this week, I think!

Just Your Average Road Trip

2008-08-05T12:18:00.000-07:00

It's just been a good few days driving around and seeing great people all over the place. I have so much that I want to do and accomplish, and some days I just can't wait for someday to come. But more and more, I'm learning how to enjoy my days on the way to success. I love audiobooks, CD, and podcasts in the car, not to mention the solo highway time for letting my imagination run wild. I love that I get to visit my friends in their new houses and snuggle their babies. I get to swim in mountain streams and splash in the ocean and ride the subway. I get to play for cheerleaders one night, and then pick old fiddle tunes in the mountains the next.

The past couple of days, I've been in Nashville, which is always inspiring. Last night I went to the Station Inn and watched the Time Jumpers, a western swing band who are so smooth and sweet. But I really wanted to dance and there was no open floor space. Pout. So I settled for watching the pedal steel player like a hawk. How do they do that??!!

Today I had a great time chatting and drinking wine with Liz Hengber. She is such a generous and smart woman. I'm so inspired to listen, listen hard, and write, write, write a hit song for Reba. Yes! To work.

There's always a little part of me that misses home, but the past few days have been full of the magical coincidences that can only happen when you are away from home, so I'm happy. And that's what my song "Nothing to Hold Me Down" is all about. And guess what? A video of me playing it on The Songwriters Series Internet TV show just surfaced on the web. You watch this while I go write a new one.
ABI TAPIA

Falcon Ridge Wrap Up

2008-07-28T10:14:00.000-07:00

Now that I am clean, dry, fed and housed in a permanent structure with wi-fi, I can take a minute to breathe and re-cap my high and low lights from Falcon Ridge Folk Festival.

Smartest move: Stopping at Tractor Supply Comapny on my way to the fest for a raincoat and tall rain boots.
Went by too fast: Playing my two songs on that big stage!
Made me cry: Dar Williams bringing out all the performers' kids on stage to see the audience holding up their cell phones and glo sticks while we all sang Iowa together.
Made me want to quit playing music and just follow him around: Martin Sexton.
Best meal: It's a tie between the Garlique Chic Crepe from the Skinny Pancake and breakfast Friday morning: Eggs, sausage, French Toast with Fresh blueberries and Cabot Vermont Style Cottage Cheese. I miss it so much in Texas!
Necessary Accessory: Umbrella for sun and rain.
My VIP ticket: Quart of West Virginia Moonshine.
Most heart pounding moment: Escaping from a collapsing festival tent, running through pounding rain and hail to my car, and getting every single thread of clothing soaked.
Favorite folk-y moment: Getting trapped at the Focus tent in a downpour with about 10 other people. We sang every song about the sun we could think of until it stopped. In harmony.
Made me want to make it big: All-access backstage pass.
Made me want to stay anonymous: (tie) 1. Meeting so many nice people in the audience and campground. 2. Looking absolutely terrible when I rolled out of my tent after 3 hours of sleep, and no one snapping my pic for Us Weekly.
New favorite people: All the other emerging artists.

Ok, that's all I can think of for now. I really hope I can make it back next year!

On my way...

2008-07-15T21:34:00.000-07:00

Oh me. I should be packing. Or paying my bills. Or cleaning the kitchen. Something productive that's going to insure that I get on the road on time tomorrow. But I got out the banjo and I can't put it down. Then I got on YouTube and watched all sorts of dance cru videos and ObamaGirl and Tift Merritt. And now I'm blooging. There are so many things to distract a girl on this ol' interweb!

I should actually be paying attention to what I'm doing online. I went to Austin Music Foundation's Boot Camp last night on the topic of Web 2.0. Rather than be totally overwhelmed by everything that I should be doing, all the tools I should be using to promote my music, I got a really great piece of advice from Paige Maguire. She said [I] should notice what tools and applications I like to use when checking out other artists, then use those to promote myself. OK. Cool. I need more YouTube videos. And um, free stuff. I'll work on that.

But no, I'm going to log out, put on some music and fill that suitcase. There are miles to be driven and songs to be sung! This trip will take me all the way to New England, which is sure to be 20 degrees cooler than Austin. But I'm really excited to play in Gatlinburg this Friday, opening for Darrell Scott. He's so smart and inspiring and jaw droppingly good at like 12 instruments. And then Nashville writing and Alabama shows on the way home. I think I'll have plenty of time to explore the back roads this time, too. See the sights, taste local delicacies. Pan fer gold... I'll post any major discoveries here, of course!

Homebody

2008-07-06T22:21:00.000-07:00

Today was glorious. I don't mean the weather, because I only barely left the house. I mean the staying home all day, cleaning my apartment from bow to stern, eating from the fridge, and listening to my record player. I wanted to make this place as clean, organized, and calm as I can for the little time I'm here. I even put my suitcase way in the back of my closet, like I'm not going to need it in a week. But I'm not thinking about leaving again. I'm enjoying all the things I'll miss when I'm gone. And now that my domicile is in order, I can focus on getting work done and enjoying my friends and going out to hear some good music.

It was actually quite a full and inspiring weekend. I played Trivia with Rebecca Havemeyer and Little Stolen Moments, ate smoked meat while singing along to Susan Gibson and The Ginn Sisters, and was so happy with the way Firecracker Festival came off. BettySoo, Melissa Greener, Jess Klein and The Ginn Sisters were all amazing and the crowd was so appreciative as always at the Cactus Cafe. Yay! I have to admit that I was worried about the turnout, since I didn't have time to do as much publicity this year, but you came, you listened, you cheered! Austin rocks. I'm gonna soak it up while I can.

One Star

2008-06-23T15:40:00.000-07:00

I supposedly learned my lesson in Asheville in '02, then I made the pronouncement in Jackson, MS in '05. But I think this time I've really burned it into my brain so that it will stick. No more 1 star hotels! Do not be tempted by the low, low price. Even when gas is over $4 a gallon. Do not be tempted by the extra 1000 points you'll get toward another stay. Don't see the Econo Lodge listing online and think "That one wasn't so bad in Vermont..." The risks are too high! The bedbugs, the lurking men, the late night yelling, the chain that has been replaced several times, I'm don't deserve that! I just listened to Deepak Chopra and he told me to go first-class to live first class, so this is really the last time. This star is worth more than one star.
***
Three days later, and a guest bed, a couch and an air mattress sleepier, and 30 gallons of gas lighter, I was getting frustrated online booking a hotel for myself and BettySoo in Des Moines.

Abi: Ahhh! A room with two queen beds is $8 more than a room with only one queen bed.

BettySoo: I'll sleep with you for $4.

Econo Lodge, two cheap girls are on their way.
***
The next day, we were treated like the stars we are when KUNI Radio put us up at The Blackhawk Hotel. Back on track and the pronouncements begin again. . .

Rooting for Jewel

2008-06-19T10:41:00.000-07:00

When Jewel's first album came out, full of passion and her quirky vocals and ways of describing relationships and political issues, I was a 19 and fell right in love with it. I would have really been a huge fan if she hadn't been on a major label, I was snobby like that. I've casually followed her releases since then, and always been a little embarrassed to admit that I liked to sing along to "Hands" or "Standin' Still."

When I heard she was releasing a country album, I rolled my eyes with everyone else, thinking "another artist who has played out her pop career is carpet-bagging it over to Nashville." But after hearing so many Nashville publishers and A&R guys tell me that my music is too clever, too smart, too off-beat for country radio, I started to really root for Jewel. She's already proven that her music has wide appeal. Quirky as it is, it's also real and really catchy. So if Jewel's songs do well on country radio, maybe the industry will have a little more faith in the fans' ability to understand music with subtlety and layers. The Dixie Chicks were trailblazers in that regard until they crossed a line and got blacklisted, but I believe there are lots of listeners who are still missing the depth that the Chicks brought to the airways.

So I'm going to buy Jewel's record and sing along. And I'm going to keep trying to sneak smart lyrics into my country songs, maybe a few more ears will be open to it now.

Creating through stress

2008-06-16T21:37:00.000-07:00

I'm usually wiped out by co-writing. It takes so much emotional energy to connect with someone and create through all the stress. You have expectations and hopes, and I'm a pleaser, so I really want them to like me and think I'm smart. After 4 hours of all that brainwork, I mostly want a meal and a nap. But I had two co-writes today I feel great! They were very different, one fast and high energy, one more contemplative and measured. But mostly, I'm just happy to be creating with other people and sharing this whole crazy experience of songwriting, instead of going it alone like I usually do. Eamon McLoughlin and I finished the duet we started over a year ago and I really like how it turned out. Now I just have to find someone to sing it with me!

I also found out today that I'm going to be playing at the Falcon Ridge Folk Festival/Grassy Hill: Emerging Artists Showcase! I know I recently vowed that I wasn't going to enter any more contests, but I had already submitted to this one and kind of forgotten. But then a couple of weeks ago, I got a message saying the selection process was taking longer than expected and I was reminded that I had entered and was sent into that whole nasty cycle of checking e-mail and the festival website every hour to see if they had announced the artists. Uhg! I hate that I get so caught up in such things. But this isn't technically a contest, it's a showcase, so I can just be happy that I was selected and have fun at the festival and not worry about the survey they are going to give the audience to see who their favorites are. Yeah, right. I know I'm going to worry about it. Maybe the universe is giving me one more chance to really learn my lesson about being competitive and nervous.

I was listening to a podcast called the Accidental Creative the other day and in it, they were talking about the false boundaries and rules we put around ourselves as artists. There was a cool visualization from "The Now Habit" by Neil Fiore where you imagine walking across a board that is 1 foot wide and 30 feet long. No problem, right? Now, raise that same board 100 feet in the air. I, for one, would not even dare to take the first step. It's the same task, but the stakes are much higher. I thought about that when I played at Chattanooga Market on Sunday. I felt so comfortable, so in control of my voice, and I really had fun performing. And I wondered why I can't feel like that when I'm singing the exact same songs in front of judges. The one thing that's not going to help me, is to get nervous. So maybe it is good that I have one more contest in my future. It's one more chance to ignore the external judgement and high stakes and just live in the moment of my performance. The cool part is, if I succeed, I won't have to hate contests so much!

The Big Screen

2008-06-10T21:10:00.000-07:00

The movie hasn't officially premiered, so I was sworn to secrecy as I entered the screening and vowed that I would not blog about it or go on ET and spoil it for everyone. But, I don't think it's wrong for me to tell you how excited I was to be sitting in a sold out movie theater with the main credits floating by at to see my name there. In a movie. "Original Music by Abi Tapia" Me! OK. That's all I'm gonna say. But go see it in LA June 22-27 or New York July 11-13. Wahoo!

Airport Productivity

2008-06-02T11:18:00.000-07:00

I’m at the Houston airport typing away. I sometimes find that I can get lots of work done when I’m flying. I think it’s because I generally don’t have internet access. In other words, no distractions. I just fill up my outbox and nothing new comes in. Yay!

I do not give a “Yay” to the new paying for checked bags policies. I don’t know how we’re going to afford getting around if this trend continues. But I love to go places, I don’t want to play shows and listen to music in a virtual computer world! Bring on the green revolution. Isn’t someone working on solar airplanes or something?

I was up soooo late last night stuffing envelopes with my new CDs. I really like the new handmade covers. I used some old maps that have been all over the country with me, and I had some custom rubber stamps made with my name and picture. They look great, but every time I’m pulling an all-nighter to finish up and get them out, I curse myself for taking on such a labor intensive task! Now that it’s just about done, it all seems worth it, so I’ll probably do it again next time.... But truly, I’d do anything for those folks who pre-ordered my CD. What a leap of faith!

Thanks to Austin Music Foundation for putting on a great workshop with Berkelee College of Music Songwriting instructor Pat Pattison last Monday. I like the one book I have of his, but I wasn’t sure what I would get out of a couple of hours of him talking about songwriting. But it was amazing and so inspiring! I totally recommend taking a workshop or class with him if you want to learn how to write better songs. I went home and worked for a couple more hours generating ideas and images for a couple different songs. I also had a fun co-writing session with the awesome Elizabeth McQueen, AND some other songwriter friends started a monthly title challenge group, so the universe seems to be conspiring to help me writer more and better. I’ll take it!

My flight is boarding. See you at baggage claim.

More manifesations

2008-05-15T19:22:00.000-07:00

The CDs are in physical form! Somewhere between the production plant and your hands. Travel safe little guys...

Also, Trinidad, the documentary that features original music by Abi, is premiering at the LA Film Festival. See a clip at www.trinidadthemovie.com

Firsts and Lasts

2008-05-05T11:45:00.000-07:00

We like to get up at the same time in the morning. We both need good, strong coffee. Neither of us like fast food, and we both like singing harmony to each other’s songs. If we’re not soul mates, we are at least meant to be touring partners. I had such a great time with Beth Wood, playing shows, commiserating over the bad ones with wine, cheese and late night TV, or celebrating the good ones with a high-fives, local brews and pizza. The altitude and dryness wore me out, but Colorado and New Mexico were just gorgeous. Snow and mountains and adobe houses. It’s like another world only a (long) day’s drive away. Can’t wait to do it again!

I had pretty much sworn off ever entering another songwriting contest, but an unusual series of events led me to be a finalist in the Songwriter’s Serenade at the Fiddler’s Frolics Festival. I was such a nervous wreck about this thing, I know I won’t enter another. I thought I had convinced myself that these things don’t really matter; it’s just the a couple of people’s opinion of what’s good and whether you win or not, it doesn’t really mean anything. But I did win and I have to admit that the $500 prize was really nice. And I have a feeling that convincing myself that winning doesn’t mean anything is more pleasant than convincing myself that losing doesn’t mean I’m a wretched failure who should never sing again. It really cracks me up when people suggest I should go on American Idol. Not only could I never belt like that, being criticized in front of millions of people every week sounds like torture. No thank you.

Two days after my last songwriting contest, I hosted my last open mic at the Cactus Café. Lately my schedule has kept me busy and out of town so much, I wanted to make room for a new host who can dedicate more time to making folks feel at home when they come to play that amazing-sounding room. The whole night was fun and emotional, especially after too many gin and tonics. The best part was when our sound engineer, Jack, sang on stage for the first time and dedicated “Don’t Think Twice, It’s Allright,” and everybody sang along. Awwww. I’m gonna miss that Monday night hang out…

Set Lists

2008-04-02T11:31:00.000-07:00

I wish I had time to write more, but I’m very busy today. I’ve got to make my most upbeat, funky set list ever for the gig tonight. I’m playing at the club where the Rebirth Brass Band plays every Tuesday. How do I get into these situations?!

Here's another kind of set list I've been working on: The song order for the CD!

1. Another State Line

2. The Easy Way

3. How It All Started

4. My Miner

5. Let The Lover Be

6. Flying

7. Beware

8. Just Let Me Go

9. Get It And Go

10. Sorry

11. Born Again

12. The Last Waltz

Can't wait to get it to you!

Model Week

2008-03-25T11:52:00.000-07:00

After SXSW, it was so nice to have a “regular” week. For me that meant working 3 different day jobs, hosting open mic, running to meetings and lunches, and playing two gigs. But there were also hours when I got to be at home and follow my own schedule. Ahhhh.

I had big fun playing at Poor David’s Pub in Dallas on Saturday. Even though the club has only been in that location for a couple of years, it already feels full of history and good juju. You a sense that the audience is super comfortable, but also has a reverence for music that keeps them open and listening. So cool and so rare. Yay!

Today I had to play model. I don’t know if that’s really what I was doing, but I felt like I was some kind of modeling school drop-out, who suddenly had to pose for Vogue. OK, maybe the stakes weren’t that high, it was just the photo shoot for my album cover. But I just get so self-conscious in front of the camera; all I can think to do is smile. Sometimes I wish I was back at 14 and taking pictures for the Seventeen cover model contest. I used to really get into it, I loved posing and thought I was going all the way. Oh, teen-age dreams!

I’m sure you’ll see all sorts of pics from today eventually, but check out the photographer, Todd Wolfson. He's got a super website. We took some photos outside Rabbit’s bar on E. 6th

street where there is a great wall of peeling paint. Rabbit and some of his friends were hanging out

watching and I was kind of scared that they would be annoyed or mad at us artsy posers. But at the end of the shoot, Rabbit came up to me and said, “If I give you a T-shirt from my bar, will you wear it?” Heck yeah! And I’ll even go back for a beer.

2008-03-18T12:10:00.000-07:00

My personal highlight for SXSW was signing my recording and publishing deals with MoonHouse Records. Wahoo! It’s been in the works and the legal departments for a long time and we didn’t really plan for it to happen this week, but SXSW is full of unexpected surprises. So Christine and I went out to the parking lot of Artz Rib House after my Wednesday night set and signed the papers. Yes, the parking lot. No cameras or champagne, I'm

sure we'll get to that later, but right now we're all business. There's a record to put out! Then I got to walk around for the rest of the weekend feeling sorry for all the poor saps working it on 6th street, trying to get a record deal. Ahh, those were the starving years, I remember them fondly….last Tuesday. Now we’ve got lots of work to do, meeting with the graphic designer this week. Yay!

Aside from my own shows, I saw a wide variety of music, some

good, some forgettable. There was the hippie string band, the Argentinian DJs, a smoky-voiced Brazilian beauty, nerdy dance rockers, and singer-songwriters galore. The strangest transition was from hearing country star Deana Carter sing “Strawberry Wine” (can’t help but love it) at the fake Texas bar in the Direct TV studio, straight over to a tiny hot sweaty real Texas bar where The Golden Dogs from Toronto swept everyone up in their loud, driving, catchy rock. Whew! I loved them both, and I might be like 1 of 3 people who can say that.

It was also so fun to catch up and make new memories with my friends from Heloise and the Savior Faire. I was lucky enough to score them an apartment in my complex, so they were close by and we got to escape the downtown craziness together, plus I got to show off some of the treasures of the East Riverside neighborhood. Best pollo in town! Their show at the complex pool was an emotional highlight of the weekend. I couldn’t be there, but just hearing the stories of the trashy, beautiful debauchery that took place makes me jump for joy. I think it was probably the best day of this property's life. In this pic, we are celebrating the reveal of their brand new CD. It's soooo fun and I think "Downtown" is my new power song for the treadmill.