What happened to Week 7?

Week 7 explores issues of Perfectionism and Jealousy. I've done some work about this before, but it is always good to have a reminder. I went to Texas and back this week and got pretty distracted and pulled by all the demands of traveling and seeing tons of friends. I kept up with my morning pages, and I'm sure all the lessons were simmering in my subconscious, but in some ways I felt like I took 4 days off from the Artist's Way and that kind of concerned me. So many people have told me that they started reading the book and stopped after Week 5 or that they've started it several times and never finished it. I don't want to be one of those people! I want to do the whole thing all the way through, on time, with blogs to go with every chapter and amazing revelations every week! Wait, wasn't there something about perfectionism in this chapter?

So I gave myself a few extra days on Week 7 and even skipped a few of the tasks. I didn't worry about whether or not I made a giant step forward. I just thought about all I had done that week: played a great house concert, attended a gorgeous Texas wedding, listened to two audiobooks, saw a bunch of wonderful friends, swam in Barton Springs on a 85 degree October day, bought some hot pink feather earrings. I just trusted that it was all happening for a reason and subtly moving me somewhere great. Actually it was pretty great right at the moment. And isn't that really the big lesson anyway? To live in the moment?

One more thing: I'm looking for synchronicity all the time now (little coincidences that lead you along) and I had a funny one on my drive. I was listening to my audiobook and one of the characters served Sweet Potato Pie. It sounded so delicious, my mouth was watering and I wanted it. I talked on the phone to Alison and told her about my craving. I said I'd stop at Cracker Barrel and see if they had some sweet potatoes. She said No, No, they never have sweet potatoes at CB, it's not on the menu. Not even a weekly special? No, she said. I went to Cracker Barrel anyway and can you guess what the vegetable of the day was? (Well now of course you can because I already gave it away by saying this paragraph was about synchronicity. I need to work on saving my punch lines.) Sweet Potato Casserole! With pecans and brown sugar!  Mmm hmmm. So I was satisfied. More like really full cause I had a whole veggie plate with Mac and Cheese and cornbread and and and oops.

So I'm not sure how all this is leading me to my creative destiny, but now I know Thursday is sweet potato day and I'm sure that knowledge will be crucial at some point. Maybe I'll happen to be at a cocktail party on a Thursday with some amazing super-famous singer who says she has a craving for sweet potatoes and I'll know where to got them. We'll go eat and become best friends and write a ton of hit songs together. About sweet potatoes. Yep, I can see it all now.

Back in the blog.

What is up with my lack of blogging? I guess that 5 days in a row marathon output really took it out of me for a while. I haven't been doing much on Twitter or Facebook either, guess I'm just having a private couple of months. It's sometimes nice to get away from the chatter. And to keep from adding to it.

I've been doing what? Thinking, reading, gardening, pickling, writing songs, making lists, sewing patches. Went to the beach. Went to the South. Found a place to live part-time in Nashville so I can go to the South a lot more often. Went to the Barney's Warehouse Sale and braved the elbowing and shoving and trying things on in the aisles to get these perfect jeans for only $19.75 that I love and can NOT take off. Like seriously, I've worn them 5 days in a row now.

I started reading The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron. It's an absolute classic, always-recommended major work of the self-help cannon, so I can't believe I haven't ever read it. A lot of the concepts are in other books I have read, and I have been doing a kind of morning pages things for a while, but I can already see after a couple of days, that it's going to make a huge difference in my life. I'm discovering things about myself and working through them. See, it got me blogging after a two month absence! It's working already.

Pickle attempt #1

Hate Not

Derek Sivers is a very cool guy with lots of good ideas about all sorts of things. I met him as the creator of the awesome online music store CDBaby. In his blog last week, he asked the question "What do you hate not doing?" as a way to figure out what you really love. You know I love self-help and quizes, so here are a few things I hate not doing. I'm not sure I like the idea of writing a whole blog about hate, but here goes.

I hate not performing.
Not only because I feel terribly off when I do come back to it, but because I miss connecting with people through music. I miss the challenge of choosing the right songs for the situation and hitting the right emotional tone with each performance. I miss working out my lungs and vocal chords and calluses. And I miss the attention. Can't deny that. :)

I hate not writing.
I hate that I let days, weeks, even months go by without cracking open my journal. That's the place where I let it fly without a filter and it really calms me down and gets me focused. I also hate not writing songs. Songwriting is when I take all my crazy ideas and experiences and shape them into a neat little package and summarize all my feelings about something. Sometimes it's closure, sometimes it's a manifesto. Either way, I feel more settled when a song is finished, and excited to get out there and play it for people. I hate not having a new song to share.

I hate not having balance in my social vs. alone time.
Spending says on end with people, even people I love, even when I'm having a great time, leaves me feeling so scattered. I'm very influenced by others' desires and opinions, so I tend to lose center and follow the crowd when I don't get time alone. On the other hand, I hate being alone too much. I get into boring patterns and I do stupid things like watch hours of TV or play video games when I've got too much time alone. I like having other people around me to bring up new ideas, hold me accountable and be a witness, so I won't eat the whole carton of ice cream. Lately I've been having long spates of alone time, followed by intense visits. Whew! I need balance. I'm such a Libra.

I hate staying in the same place for too long.
Even if it's just walking down a different side street. I need new sights and smells and sounds coming at me. I think I travel enough for this not to be much of a problem. :)

I hate not exercising and eating right.
Because when I do, I feel better. When I don't I feel sluggish and guilty. Hate isn't too strong a word for that feeling.

I hate not asking questions.
I'm a curious person and I wonder about a lot of different things. Sometimes I don't like this about myself, because before I have time to really delve into something, I invariably get curious about something new. But I love the beginnings of projects. I love going to a new town and learning it's history, it's local hangouts. Everything is interesting for a little while. And I hate when I'm doing the same old same old over and over again and not exploring some new business idea or region of the country.

Allright, now what did this little exercise teach me? The best lesson is that all the things I hate not doing are things I mostly get to do all the time! That's good. And when I'm not doing them it's usually because I'm being scared or lazy. So the next time I don't want to go for a run or spend an hour on booking or introduce myself to a new friend, I'm going to think "You'll hate it if you don't do this!" Maybe that will get me going.

Now I want to know what you hate not doing. Maybe this is the next "50 things"....

Throw away post

When I write several long, thoughtful blog posts in a row, I start putting all this pressure on myself to make every post long and thoughtful and profound and totally original. Then I never write. I've learned that as I songwriter, I sometimes have to push through a couple of bad songs, just to get the juices flowing, before I can write a good one. So this is my meaningless, short, boring post. There might be another on the way. Sorry folks, just gotta get them out of my system.