Back in the blog.

What is up with my lack of blogging? I guess that 5 days in a row marathon output really took it out of me for a while. I haven't been doing much on Twitter or Facebook either, guess I'm just having a private couple of months. It's sometimes nice to get away from the chatter. And to keep from adding to it.

I've been doing what? Thinking, reading, gardening, pickling, writing songs, making lists, sewing patches. Went to the beach. Went to the South. Found a place to live part-time in Nashville so I can go to the South a lot more often. Went to the Barney's Warehouse Sale and braved the elbowing and shoving and trying things on in the aisles to get these perfect jeans for only $19.75 that I love and can NOT take off. Like seriously, I've worn them 5 days in a row now.

I started reading The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron. It's an absolute classic, always-recommended major work of the self-help cannon, so I can't believe I haven't ever read it. A lot of the concepts are in other books I have read, and I have been doing a kind of morning pages things for a while, but I can already see after a couple of days, that it's going to make a huge difference in my life. I'm discovering things about myself and working through them. See, it got me blogging after a two month absence! It's working already.

Pickle attempt #1

Am I A Late Bloomer?

I know it's been a while since I've blogged. I just didn't have any great ideas to write about, and I don't want to subject you to reading something boring like "I had a great show, I drove a hundred miles, I got up early and went running." (Oops, I just did. But with irony!) So then I thought I could come up with something interesting to say about my constant procrastination. But I think I just might have covered that topic before. I know I think about it almost every day.

Then yesterday I read Malcolm Gladwell's recent article in the New Yorker. Hear him talk about it here. It's all about "Late Bloomers," or artists who come into their genius later in life, and it raises some pretty interesting issues for the way we structure our creative lives, and how artists interact with the marketplace. Drawing heavily from the book "Old Masters and Young Geniuses" by David Galenson (which is now on my reading list), he describes an alternative to the artistic archetype of the Prodigy or inherently talented youngster which many of us have come to believe is the true genius. The Late Bloomer is more of an experimental artist, taking years to practice, research, try different techniques, hone her skills and ultimately find her voice. Late Bloomers produce works of art every bit as intriguing and important as Prodigies, but much later in life. Cezanne and Ben Fountain are the examples he chooses to illustrate this point.

Inspiring, right? Maybe we all have potential to be great artists when we retire! Maybe we shouldn't write off arts education for our kids just because they don't seem to be talented by 5th grade.

The problem is that these days, we expect that good art will be supported by the marketplace. Lots of people who dream of being a singer or painter give themselves 5 or 10 years to "make it," then move on to a 8-5 job. And who can blame them? It's hard to be poor for years and years, especially if you have no guarantee that your art will ever be well received. Especially if you are a perfectionist who is rarely satisfied with your creative output. And is it really an option to have a full time job and practice art on the side? Will there be enough time to follow every thread of inspiration, repeat every exercise enough times to make it just right? Gladwell suggests that many Late Bloomers are blessed with Patrons, be they parents or spouses who pay the bills so that the artist can work. But those are very special circumstances indeed, and certainly open to abuse. The common call lately seems to be "Cut those free-loading 20-somethings off!"

I you haven't guessed yet, I feel like a Late Bloomer. My self-critical side wonders if I'm just glomming on to the idea to justify my minimal success, and make myself feel better about getting older. How do I know that I will actually ever "bloom" someday? But I relate to the characterization on more fundamental points, too. I can be quite a perfectionist, feeling very unsatisfied with my songs and editing or re-writing them over and over. But I also really enjoy the creative process, the research part, winding down different alleyways of ideas, gathering resources and inspiration around me. Some days the observing and noticing and learning is more satisfying than having a finished song to sing. Take Galenson's quiz to see which you are.

Having realized this, what do I do? Look for a patron? Re-adjust my expectations? Push myself harder or back off? Am I OK with waiting for my success? Is my family? Is the youth-obsessed music industry? I hope this article sparks more discussion about different types and timelines for creative expression, we sure need some kind of a change.

So maybe I'm not really procrastinating. I'm just researching....

Black Men On My Mind

I've been driving through the South and listening to the audiobook I picked up at the library, Black Boy by Richard Wright. It's really good so far, emotional, vivid, making me cringe and cry and scream in frustration as I'm driving. The section I'm listening to is in the 1910's and Richard is growing up and learning about race relations, the KKK, the dangers of standing up for himself to whites. There is a pervasive attitude of "keep your head down" that frustrates, and scares, and confuses him as a boy. And it seems hopeless that anything will ever change.

Then, I missed my exit in Atlanta and to get back to I-85, I had to drive right through Sweet Auburn and the Martin Luther King, Jr, Center and National Monument. No time to stop today, but I thought back to last summer when I spent a day looking at the exhibits and wandering the street King grew up on. It was so moving to be there and learn more about this life and the struggle for Civil Rights. Even more emotional for me, was how many people were there. People of all colors, all ages, single people wandering slowly, families explaining things to the kids, and family reunions with matching t-shirts. I was glad to end up there by chance today, on the 45th Anniversary of his "I Have a Dream Speech." Go back and watch it, it's so amazing. To have so much hope and determination in the face of such adversity.

And tonight Barack Obama will accept the Democratic Party's nomination for President. I have to admit, was getting a little cynical about his campaign. All the happy music and pageantry at the convention is so predictable. I was scoffing at the melodramatic headlines on CNN, "Obama Makes History!" The softball questions they were throwing at conventioneers about what today means to them. But damn, this is huge. This IS historic. And the best part is that Obama is totally worth all the praise and attention and celebration. I can't wait for him to be president and make good things happen, inspire us to serve, and help the rest of the world see how good our country can be.

Sure, the campaign still has to wage on, there will be compromises and disappointments. Yes, there is still a LOT of work to do to improve racial and ethnic relations all over the world, but I don't want to think about that today. I just want to let Richard and Martin and Barak spin around in my brain and feel hopeful for a little while. I want to recognize that this country has taken a huge step toward realizing the ideals our democracy is based on. And now we have even more reason to believe that we can make it all the way.