Throw away post

When I write several long, thoughtful blog posts in a row, I start putting all this pressure on myself to make every post long and thoughtful and profound and totally original. Then I never write. I've learned that as I songwriter, I sometimes have to push through a couple of bad songs, just to get the juices flowing, before I can write a good one. So this is my meaningless, short, boring post. There might be another on the way. Sorry folks, just gotta get them out of my system.

Stretching Myself

Over the past couple of weeks I've been busy, but still I found time to dust off a few skills from my younger days. And whew, was I ever rusty! I think it's good for the brain, though, to be stretched in new directions.And after learning that I'm more of an experimental artist, I know I'm drawn to trying new things. I'm sure these experiences will show up in my work somehow over the next few months.

When I was a little girl, I loved dancing. I choreographed a dance to "Material Girl" by Madonna for the 2nd grade talent show, and had my first pair of fishnet stockings at age 6, for a bordello inspired tap number. When I heard that Alamo Drafthouse and The Rude Mechanicals and some other Austin Groups were going to attempt to break the Guinness World Record for most people simultaneously dancing the dance from Michael Jackson's Thriller, I had to join. This required several hours of learning and practicing the whole dance. This woman named Ines has organized the worldwide effort and makes it super easy in her teaching videos with words to chant along with the steps.

The day of the world record event, it was more inspiring and uplifting than I could have imagined. I was really impressed with the people of all different ages and abilities who participated. Everyone was really dedicated; we wanted to get the steps right and to act like scary zombies. People went all out with their costumes and the logistics ran like clockwork. At the end of the dance, I had tears in my eyes as I was slapping high fives with strangers covered in fake blood. There are tons of videos on YouTube, but here's one where you can see me doing the dance. I'm wearing the red dress. I mean this blog is all about me.



I also used to play Tuba in the marching band, and have since been a little sad when I've seen parades in Austin going by without a bass instrument in the brass band. So when I was given a baritone (Thanks, Jamie!), I decided to join the rag-tag street band in Austin that plays in whatever parade or protest they are invited to. I was really intimidated by this. I didn't have much time to practice and get my embouchure in shape, and there was no rehearsal and just a suggestion of what songs might be played. I haven't played a brass instrument in 15 years, so I was scrambling to remember fingerings and work out my parts. It was a good wake up call, reminding me of how much music theory I have forgotten, and just rarely use when I'm playing my own songs all the time. The Day of the Dead parade day came and 8 of us showed up to play, plus one twirler. Everyone was very nice and forgiving of my flubs, and it was actually fun to play and I felt like I added something to the overall sound. It wasn't the Tuba, but I'm glad I made a baby step toward the goal. Here's a video of the band, I'm playing baritone, so listen close for the oomp-pahs, one octave higher than they should be.



So look out for a hot dance video or maybe a solo baritone track on my next CD!

Am I A Late Bloomer?

I know it's been a while since I've blogged. I just didn't have any great ideas to write about, and I don't want to subject you to reading something boring like "I had a great show, I drove a hundred miles, I got up early and went running." (Oops, I just did. But with irony!) So then I thought I could come up with something interesting to say about my constant procrastination. But I think I just might have covered that topic before. I know I think about it almost every day.

Then yesterday I read Malcolm Gladwell's recent article in the New Yorker. Hear him talk about it here. It's all about "Late Bloomers," or artists who come into their genius later in life, and it raises some pretty interesting issues for the way we structure our creative lives, and how artists interact with the marketplace. Drawing heavily from the book "Old Masters and Young Geniuses" by David Galenson (which is now on my reading list), he describes an alternative to the artistic archetype of the Prodigy or inherently talented youngster which many of us have come to believe is the true genius. The Late Bloomer is more of an experimental artist, taking years to practice, research, try different techniques, hone her skills and ultimately find her voice. Late Bloomers produce works of art every bit as intriguing and important as Prodigies, but much later in life. Cezanne and Ben Fountain are the examples he chooses to illustrate this point.

Inspiring, right? Maybe we all have potential to be great artists when we retire! Maybe we shouldn't write off arts education for our kids just because they don't seem to be talented by 5th grade.

The problem is that these days, we expect that good art will be supported by the marketplace. Lots of people who dream of being a singer or painter give themselves 5 or 10 years to "make it," then move on to a 8-5 job. And who can blame them? It's hard to be poor for years and years, especially if you have no guarantee that your art will ever be well received. Especially if you are a perfectionist who is rarely satisfied with your creative output. And is it really an option to have a full time job and practice art on the side? Will there be enough time to follow every thread of inspiration, repeat every exercise enough times to make it just right? Gladwell suggests that many Late Bloomers are blessed with Patrons, be they parents or spouses who pay the bills so that the artist can work. But those are very special circumstances indeed, and certainly open to abuse. The common call lately seems to be "Cut those free-loading 20-somethings off!"

I you haven't guessed yet, I feel like a Late Bloomer. My self-critical side wonders if I'm just glomming on to the idea to justify my minimal success, and make myself feel better about getting older. How do I know that I will actually ever "bloom" someday? But I relate to the characterization on more fundamental points, too. I can be quite a perfectionist, feeling very unsatisfied with my songs and editing or re-writing them over and over. But I also really enjoy the creative process, the research part, winding down different alleyways of ideas, gathering resources and inspiration around me. Some days the observing and noticing and learning is more satisfying than having a finished song to sing. Take Galenson's quiz to see which you are.

Having realized this, what do I do? Look for a patron? Re-adjust my expectations? Push myself harder or back off? Am I OK with waiting for my success? Is my family? Is the youth-obsessed music industry? I hope this article sparks more discussion about different types and timelines for creative expression, we sure need some kind of a change.

So maybe I'm not really procrastinating. I'm just researching....

Caught up in the crisis

I just ate cold pizza from the fridge. So, it was homemade, whole wheat crust, and covered with fresh veggies. It was still leftover and cold, and that's not a good sign. Then I ate stale, florescent, sour gummy worms. It's that bad. I've been running around on the verge of puking, checking my bank balance and my mailbox several times a day. When are those checks coming? When are my bills due? Did my bank collapse? I need to turn off Marketplace and do some yoga. I think we all should.

And then I saw a bumper sticker that read, "Business is good. People are terrific. Life is wonderful." OK. Right. Stress isn't really helping anything. I'm gonna put on my Deepak Chopra tape and try to appreciate all the things that aren't going wrong right now. And book a few more babysitting jobs. Then drink a margarita and go dancing like crazy at my friend's birthday party tonight.

Anybody else have a good idea about how to chill out?

My Gendered America(na)

If 1992 was "The Year of the Woman" in politics, I think 2008 is "The Year of Women's Issues." With Hillary making a run for it, and now Sarah Palin on the Republican ticket, the country is thinking about women's roles and abilities more than it has in a long time. So it's no surprise that my feminist senses were heightened last week, while I was attending the Americana Music Association Conference and Festival in Nashville.

I don't have exact numbers, but I love to estimate, so I'm making a guess about these demographics. On the list of showcasing artists (a somewhat misleading term, since 100% of the acts I saw were full bands), I counted about 1/3 of them to include women. That doesn't sound too bad until you take into account that most of those bands have 1, or maybe 2 women in them, and 3-5 men. Which ends up meaning that women were only about 8% of the artists at the festival. Now I'm really wishing I did have more hard data. My impression is that most of these women were singers, songwriters, rhythm guitar players, fiddlers, and a couple of them played bass, lead guitar, or ukelele. I didn't see any women on drums.

At the Award Show, there were 24 nominations, 4 of them for acts that include women, (16.6%), and of the 14 awards given out that night (8 of which were Lifetime Achievement Awards), 4 went to women (28.5 %). Over the 7 year history of the Americana Awards, women have won 23% of the awards, and never has a woman won "Song of the Year," "Instrumentalist of the Year" or Lifetime Achievement Awards for Songwriter or Instrumentalist. I'm not trying to place blame on anyone in particular for this, the nominations and winners are voted on by the membership. I'm just noticing a trend. And after a while, it starts to look like a glass ceiling (or would it be a wooden ceiling?). I mean, don't Alison Krauss (as an instrumentalist), Cindy Cashdollar or Lucinda Williams seem like obvious choices?

So who is the membership? I checked out the latest list of members and went through assigning a sex to each person. I know this is unfair, and that people should be able to label themselves and I probably counted a few too many Chrises as women and Randys as men, but the membership is around 34% women. Each sector is different, but there are wide disparities in Production (22% women) and Radio/TV (21% women). Women outnumber men in 2 categories; Publicity (75%) and Booking (59%). The artists are 32% women, which doesn't really match with the showcasing numbers I mentioned earlier. This could be because either the showcasing artists are not drawn from the membership, or because every member of a band isn't necessarily a member of the AMA. I think it's a little of both.

There we some fashion trends for the ladies, too. In general they were very feminine, just hinting at country, with the curve-hugging lace dress being a popular choice. Pheobe Hunt from the Belleville Outfit, Jill Andrews of the Everybodyfields, and Allison Moorer were all stunning in theirs. In fact, after Allison came on stage with the balding and bearded Steve Earle to sing a duet (I love the guy, but we're talking fashion here), I started to feel uncomfortable about the way the chips were falling; very few women on the stage, and more and more of them looking like super-models. The award show even had a couple of model types in skimpy outfits handing the awards to the winners. Who were they? One friend commented that the statue girls looked more like the ones you see announcing the next round at a professional wrestling match than at an awards show. Is this the alternative to the mainstream commercial country industry? It seems like the double standard is actually worse in Americana, because at least in commercial country the men feel strong pressure to look good, too.

Once I started thinking about this, artists like Greta Gaines in her slightly ironic, peach 80's blouse and fedora, and Those Darlins and Blair with their intentionally messy hair and sloppy make-up were a breath of fresh air. The thing is, I do believe all these women - the polished and the punky - are sincerely presenting themselves. I like to dress up and look pretty for my shows, so I'm not judging that choice. I'm just starting to wonder if somewhere deep down or maybe even not so deep, I feel like I have to. Do I feel, however consciously, that what I do musically isn't good enough, so I have to make up for it visually? And how much of that is valid? (I could be a better singer and guitar player.) And how much of that is just the simple truth that the industry and lots of audiences value smoking guitar licks over engaging lyrics or a clear voice? And then, is that preference gendered? Or sexist? You see how a gal can spin herself into a cycle of doubt.

So does this issue need to be addressed? Should we change the gender demographics of the AMA and the music industry in general? And if so, how? It seems since the fade out of Lillith Fair, most women musicians have dealt with it on their own. We just try to be true to our own musical vision and personal style, find industry partners that respect us, and find fans that appreciate what we offer. We believe that good music will find an audience, no matter who makes it. But still lots of us try hard to avoid being labeled "women's music" or fear that gaining a large lesbian following will turn off other fans. Our music is called "soft" and we're introduced as "easy on the eyes" and called "sweetie" by men who can't play as well as we can. We take time off from our careers to raise kids, while musical dads keep on touring. We sometimes talk about these things together, but don't want to be overheard because we might be considered whiners by those men who control the media or venues we depend on for exposure.

So maybe this year, while we're all thinking about women juggling kids and the Vice-Presidency and pantsuits, we should have a conversation about the state of women in the music industry. Is there more we should be doing together to make it more representative of the creativity that's out there? I'm off to practice guitar, volunteer for Girls Rock Camp and and I'm looking forward to your comments and thoughts on this topic.

By the way, I actually had a great time a the conference, was superbly entertained and inspired, and mets tons of friendly and generous people. I just never stop thinking. :)

Try this at home

I had such a great time playing with the band last night at my official Austin CD release party. So many friendly faces, new and familiar. Such great sound and service from the Cactus Cafe. And the "Song-Inspired Cocktails" were a big hit. If you couldn't be there, mix up "The Easy Way" or one of my other concoctions, put on the CD and pretend...

Art vs. Entertainment vs. Politics

If you read my previous post, you know I was pretty high last week about Obama's nomination. Aside from the political aspect, it was a huge cultural event, even bigger than Ferraro, I'd say, because millions of people voted for him. So, in the spirit of the evening, at my performance, I decided to introduce my song "Sorry" this way.

"It's been an exciting election year and I'm really hoping Barack Obama doesn't break my heart. (A few cheers) Here's a song I wrote for all the politicians who have broken my heart." And played my song.

When I was counting up my tips at the end of the night, I found this in the jar.



If you can't read the small print, it says. "Keep your polotics out of your act. It cost you Tonight."

At first I felt shocked and kind of vulnerable. Someone didn't like what I did, and didn't pay me because of it. I got Dixie Chicked! But then I really started to think about what they were trying to say, what they saw, and what I'm trying to do with my "act." Did it really cost me all that much?

I think this gets to the heart of the old Art vs. Entertainment argument. If it's a certain musical performance, what's the main reason for it to exist? I think that Entertainment is primarily focused on making money. To do that, you try to make people happy and give them what they want. Of course, there can be amazing artistry in entertainment. Entertainers can take risks and push boundaries and have precise technical skill. But If people stop buying tickets, the act changes.

Pure Art, at the other end of the spectrum, doesn't care what the audience thinks. An artist has something to say that must be said whether it is popular or not. An artist doesn't create or perform for the money, but because she just has to express her vision. Maybe it's fun or popular, but if it stops attracting an audience, it keeps being made, maybe in obscurity.

I think most musicians find themselves somewhere in the middle of the two. We write songs, but join a cover band to pay the bills, or take gigs in restaurants, like I did that night. I want to express my own truth, but I also want to be liked, and to fit in, so I'm always picking which songs seem suited to each crowd and situation. And sometimes my whole mission with a song or a show is to make people feel good and have fun, just because.

But maybe I was trying too hard to please. Because Mr. Dollar Bill thought I was an entertainer. He thought that his withholding the other $4 he would have tipped me was enough to make me change my "act." Maybe he was just giving some friendly advice or maybe he wanted to assert some power, but either way, it didn't work. I'm so willing to pay that $4 or $19 or however much being myself has cost me over the years. I want to decide where I fall on the spectrum between art and entertainment. And no audience member, no threat, no amount of money is worth giving up my power to choose how I want to express myself.

And one more thing on politics and music. They go together, whether you know it or like it or not. But what I have loved about Nashville, is that while it can be a passionate and divided political landscape (read Chris Willman's Rednecks and Bluenecks), a good song trumps all political differences. When a song has the potential to touch people and make a lot of money, nobody cares which candidate the writer voted for, which is probably different from the one the artist voted for. That song has to get out. And so many of those songs are about universal feelings and situations. Which is probably why Brooks and Dunn performed at the 2004 Republican Convention, while their song "Only In America" played after Obama's acceptance speech. It's an idea bigger than either party.

I want to keep making art and entertaining people and I know that some of my songs will be more successful than others. I also want to keep listening to music by all sorts of people and finding truth in it. I think that's where I find common ground with people who are different from me. Mr. Dollar Bill, did you really not want to know me at all? Did you really just want to eat dinner and hear music that didn't open your world in any way? Did I really have nothing to offer? I hope you were just having a bad night.